Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…
CAN’T UNDERSTAND? NEED AN ANGLE FOR A STORY OR SHOW IDEA? THINGS GOING WRONG? ANSWER: MILLENNIALS!
Because why the hell not? This is something that has been bothering me for a good amount of time and I can’t avoid it. Even the term drives me crazy: millennial. The trend of highlighting young adults of this decade for better or worse has been red-hot as of late. It’s in the news, blogs, podcasts, radio stations, and even TV shows. Let’s start with every old person’s favorite station, CBS:
-The moment I saw this, I knew two things: it would suck and CBS would say it was the fall’s #1 new comedy. Sidenote, CBS with their claims of having the #1 shows all around the clock is as legitimate as Fox Sports 1 running ads claiming to be the top viewed sports network, essentially dethroning ESPN. Too bad it was for a week.
Back to The Great Indoors. What better network to broadcast this on and what better format than the laugh-track, in-studio audience crap than CBS? So the premise of the show is an outdoorman running a magazine is forced to come work in the office with a group of, you guessed it, millennials. Of course, the millennials are all tech-focused, politically correct, and don’t understand anything about spending time outside. It’s probably not worth my time to type out why this show is garbage and the millennial angle is so bogus, but we’ll just let the network do that for us when the show is canceled after this season. Thank god for Kevin Can Wait though.
-Okay, this is actually a great report on the stereotypical millennials of this decade. This Logan Paul character… never heard of him until posting this, might be one of the worst people I’ve seen online. Toolbag. Absolute tool. It does baffle my mind how people can make millions off Vine and social media. Total bizarro world stuff. But what’s worse, the “stars” or the viewers? Paul had guys from around the freakin world coming up to him for pictures. All for a guy who does splits in public. And the people taking pictures all weren’t exactly young either. So yes, if you want to crap on “millennials,” here is your video. But let’s remember that it’s the audience enambling these tools to become kazillionaire.
-Comedian Dana Carvey has a new Netflix stand-up special, his first stand-up special in 20 years. What inspired him to come back? You guessed it: millennials.
-Bloomberg has a great history of bashing, blaming, and simply hating millennials. This article from Gizmodo pulls Bloomberg’s collection of millennial hate from the past three years.
-There have been several podcasts and radio stations, and maybe other outlets everywhere, that feature the oh-so-popular game, “Ask A millennial.” This game is structured as follows: person well-versed in pop culture of mid 1960s to 1985 (also known as Generation x or GenX) ask a millennial questions about pop culture, history, and sports in the mid-20th century. It is the lamest, laziest, and most boring segment to do on any platform.
“This guy doesn’t know who Brett Somers is? What a millennial!” Yes, such a millennial. Let’s play another game called, “Name a B-list celebrity from the 1920.” Can’t do it? Such a GenXer!! And the worst thing is, this will continue forever and my generation (yes, millennials) will be soon asking kids about Kid Cudi, Harambe, SkatMan, the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals, and other stuff “only 90’s kids remember.”
-So here’s my overall stance on this: I am tired of websites, TV shows, and articles trying to spin anything negative or out of the ordinary that happens as a result of the existence of millennials. Pop culture and trends change and they’re changing even faster with today’s social media and technology. Every generation of children and young adults have been criticized by the grown-ups of the time. Rock n roll was a work of the devil to destroy the youth, the hippies were in the same realm, and so on and so forth. I believe what makes it so easy to blame millennials for anything and everything is the exposure this generation has online and around the world. Had them inter-webs existed during the 20th century, the baby boomers and GenX would be ripped apart. After doing my millennial research, I’ve come to just hate everyone. I hate the Vinestars, I hate the haters, I definitely hate Logan Paul, I hate the order folk who blame millennials, hate hate hate hate hate. Millennials, do your thing but don’t be annoying. Old people, just take a step back and think before blaming those crazy kids…
ONE FINAL PLEA TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
Let’s get this out of the way: I do not like either candidate. I am not voting for either candidate.
Unless an election just as crazy happens again in the future (please God no), this will be the only time I dip into politics. Actually, can this election even be considered political? Has it ever been? One of the candidates has political experience. The other has zero political experience, but strong political opinions. I could go into detail about the voters, why Trump supporters are delusional, and so on and so forth, but we are so close to this nightmare being over, so let’s not extend it longer than it needs to be. Like I said, I’m not voting for either of these candidates, but for anyone voting Trump or thinking about it, just ask yourself “why?” We’ve seen throughout the history of American politics unlikely candidates become elected. Former body builder and movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger as Governor of California, NBA star turned Senator Bill Bradley in New Jersey, and even actor-turned-politician Ronald Reagan becoming the 40th President of the United States. Whether they did their respective jobs well is up for debate, but they at least wet their beaks a little before running for the highest position in the world.
Who in their right mind believes Donald Trump could be fit to become PRESIDENT? Not even mayor, governor, or senator, no no. Let’s jump straight from real estate, reality TV, and casinos to the Oval Office. How is this logical???
Let me put this in a relatable way for the average Trump voter. The New York Mets haven’t been so hot since 1986. Had some ups, and its share of downs throughout their history. I, Zach, a fan of baseball, played in high school, watch it constantly, play fantasy, and have worked some jobs related to baseball, thinks I should become President of Baseball Operations for the Mets. You may ask yourself why, to which I say, why not? I know baseball, I know baseball more than the GMs do, believe me. I’ll get the best free agents, make the best trades, cancel Bobby Bonilla’s contract (which was a disaster), and make the Mets great again!
Or to size it down, your average Joe job. I laid bricks in a technical high school, so I’m qualified to be your project manager for the next big job in the city. I also tried culinary class, so I’ll be the next head chef at Capital Grill. I’ve used Apple products for over a decade, so move over Tim Cook.
Almost every political campaign tries to portray the candidate as working for the American people. Hell, Hilary Clinton’s slogan is “she’s with us.” Every campaign is exaggerated, but do we actually believe Donal Trump gives a single fuck about the people? He’s made his living off screwing others, slapped his name on everything, and founded an online “university” in his name that was useless. To simply put it: unless he can use you to his benefit, Donald Trump does not care about you.
When we look back on this election many decades in the future, we’ll ask ourselves, “How the hell did we get Donald Trump, an egomaniac reality TV star, businessman, wannabe fake politician with zero experience, one election away from the most powerful position in the world?” So my plea is this: don’t vote Donald Trump (or Clinton either, but mainly Trump). You will look like an absolute, uneducated, delusional fool for doing so.
P.S. If Kanye West does run for President in 2020, it’s going to be epic regardless of who is elected this year. It’s almost destiny for Trump to win and have Kanye spit fire in the debates. But if Hilary wins, Kanye is going against his (former) boy Jay-z’s candidate. Plus, take into consideration this line in “New Day” from Watch the Throne:
And I’ll never let my son have an ego
He’ll be nice to everyone, wherever we go
I mean, I might even make ‘em be Republican
So everybody know he love white people
That is some Illuminati shit right there. Basically saying he’ll be Republican back in 2011. So yeah, Kanye 2020 is happening.
SHOUT OUT OF THE WEEK
Big shout out to my Alma mater Lasell College, as the women’s soccer team won its seventh straight conference title over the weekend. Just a dominate run dating back to my freshman year. I was lucky enough to watch the stream at work. Down 1-0 at the half, they managed to tie the match halfway through the second, and scored with two minutes left to take the 2-1 victory.
The championship run has been guided by head coach Vito LaFrancesca. While writing for my college’s newspaper, I wrote a column on LaFrancesca and his many superstitions he has surrounding coaching. This was written after he won his third straight conference title. You can read the entire column here.
VIRAL VIDEO OF THE WEEK: HOMEWRECKING PENGUIN
If you haven’t seen it yet, you’re out of the loop. Wild video. I’ll let it speak for itself:
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