Hey there, America. Let’s talk.

Well, you got what you wanted. As I type this, Hillary Clinton leads the popular vote, so maybe we didn’t get what we wanted. But who knows.

Donald J. Trump, come January 20, 2017, will become the 45th President of the United States. My fingers hurt typing that sentence. It’s bananaland, Bizzaro world, ass-backwards, and simply incredible. The electoral college elected an unqualified man to run the most powerful country on earth. I can’t wrap my head around it. It’s like America saw Brexit and said, “I can one-up you guys.”

I wrote on Monday a plea to America (a.k.a. my seven readers) not to vote for Trump. It wasn’t until election day morning to realize who Trump really was: the 70-year-old male version of Kim Kardashian. Let’s explore…

Fathers paved paths to success
-Fred Trump, father of Don, was a real estate developer and philanthropist in New York City. He started as a carpenter and eventually got into real estate for low and middle-income housing around the city. He was also a bit of a dick. Fred gave Donald a “small load” (according to Donald) of only $1 million to help propel his business. The rest is history.
-Before Ross Geller was wasting his time trying to get with Rachel Green on Friends, he was backing his friend Orenthal on FX’s The People vs O.J. Simpson. Now David Schwimmer may not actually be Robert Kardashian, but Robert Kardashian was the father of Kim. Rob didn’t directly do anything to propel his daughter into stardom, but his relation to O.J. during the Trial of the Century made him and his family instantly recognizable. Had Kim simply been the daughter of Rob, the ex-husband of Kris Jenner who was now married to then-known as Olympic hero Bruce Jenner, perhaps she is just another woman on Instagram.

Each screwed people, elevating them to success
-As I mentioned in my previous blog, Donald Trump has screwed over others to gain personal financial gain. USA Today laid out all of his lawsuits, both as plaintiff and defendant, and also bankruptcy. The article does a great job covering the 3,000+ lawsuits.
-Kim Kardashian and Ray-J. Simple enough.

Married multiple times
-Donald Trump was first married to Ivana Zelníčková on April 7, 1977 and had three children. Trump and her divorced in 1990 after his affair with  Marla Maples, whom he married on December 20, 1993. Donald had his fourth children with Marla, but their divorce was finalized in June 1999. Donald was married for a third time, this time with his current wife Melania Knauss on January 22, 2005. The Clintons attended the wedding. They had Donald’s fifth child.
-Kim Kardashian was married to NBA star(?) Kris Humphries on August 20, 2011. 72 days later, they were divorced. Kardashian is currently married to hip-hop artist and producer Kanye West. They have been married since May 24, 2014. They have two children.

Reality TV
-E!’s wildly successful show Keeping Up with the Kardashians is currently in its 12th season. The show debuted on October 14, 2007, and follows the daily life of the Kardashian/Jenner family. What exactly they do is up for debate.
-Donald Trump’s The Apprentice debuted on January 8, 2004. If you somehow don’t know how it works, the reality show is a competition of hopeful young entrepreneurs looking to become Trump’s right-hand man (or woman). It eventually became the Celebrity Apprentice, with contestants battling to win a donation towards his or her favorite charity. The show was canceled during election season.

Name has become a brand
-The Trump name has been everywhere. It’s been slapped in gold on the side of hotels, businesses, suits (made in Mexico), casinos, jets, cars, water bottles, steaks, board games, and more in an attempt to become the name in luxury and excellence.
-Kardashian has the insanely successful mobile app game, Kim Kardashian: Hollywood. Players create an avatar and try to become popular. That’s the best way to describe it. Aside from the game, Kim has different lines of nail polish, jewelry, self-tanning gel, perfume, ance treatment, laser hair removal, Sketchers, shoes, clothing, and more.

Family is a massive part of brand
-The Kardashians have collectively become a single entity, with Kris pulling the strings as The Godfather of this pop culture mafia.
-Trump’s family became a large piece of the campaign puzzle, as his children were out campaigning for their father. All of them have become symbols/brands for the campaign. What exactly remains a mystery.

Social media presence
-Donald Trump has notoriously used his Twitter frequently, reaching out to his nearly 14 million followers.
-Kardashian has an astounding 86 million followers on Instagram.

Cult following
-Ronald Reagan’s Donald Trump’s “Make America Great Again” campaign helped propel him in the polls and had working-class white males hop on the Trump train to get all sorts of angry about Crooked Hillary.
-Kardashian’s followers poured overwhelming support for Kim after her robbery incident in Paris. Her young followers have poured their time and money into her products and television series.

Massive wealth
Trump net worth: 3.7 billion
Kardashian: 1.5 million (2.1 with Kanye)

So there you go. Donald Trump is basically the older, richer version of Kim Kardashian. That’s who you elected, America.

It hasn’t been 24 hours since his election and Trump does not take office until January 20, so we can’t exactly judge him on what he hasn’t done yet. But let’s keep in mind what he is promising for his Presidency:

  • Mexican border wall, which Mexico will pay for
  • Repeal Obamacare
  • Temporary ban on Muslims entering the country
  • Bring manufacturing jobs back to the country
  • Renegotiate or withdraw from the North American Free Trade Agreement and Trans-Pacific Partnership
  • Impose tariffs on goods made in China and Mexico
  • Renegotiate the Iran deal
  • Cut taxes
  • ‘Bomb’ and/or ‘take the oil’ from ISIS

If Trump can complete at least half of these in a successful manner through his first term, then he’s done okay according to his policy/plans. We’ll just have to see where the country is come November 2019.

Finally, the final point I’ll make about this election to end my rants on this, is the following: America wanted a “political outsider.” You got an outsider with no experience in any political office or armed forces. Many people wanted to shake things up, or get change away from politicians and those with special and/or selfish interests.    Good luck…

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Trump endorses McCain in 2008

Trump endorses Clinton in 2008

Donald Trump’s campaign contributions to Democrats and Republicans

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