Good mourning, it’s Monday! Number 5

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

TOP STORY: MAN GETS CAUGHT IN RAIN, GETS HOME THREE HOURS LATER (IT WAS ME)

So last week was “Employee Appreciation Week” at the office, featuring a whole bunch of perks for all us underlings such as food, giveaways, and activities. On Tuesday night, we were scheduled to have a flag football game under the lights in Southie. Because I live 20+ miles north of Boston, I typically park a few towns north of the office and take the Orange Line. On Tuesday however, I prepared for football by parking near the field and then taking the Red Line north to the office.

Well, Tuesday was a monsoon, so the game ended up getting rescheduled to tonight. So of course, the one day I break off my travel routine is the day the train breaks down for two hours. Here I am going into the subway not knowing a mob of people are waiting for a train that will never come only to walk out and get stuck in the rain. I had to request an Uber (waited 30 minutes) to drive me to my car get to drive myself back north and home. There’s no greater feeling than driving on the highway past my starting point two hours after being finished work. I know for my six or seven readers, this may be a lot to take in, so allow me to tell this tragedy in Microsoft Paint…

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So there you have it. Moral of the story: if an office-related activity is out of the way, don’t do it. Actually, let’s expand on the subject of office activities…

GUIDE TO OFFICE ACTIVITES: WHAT TO DO AND WHAT TO AVOID

The “new-age” office of open spaces, music, casual dress, and “fun” is taking over cities, but there are still the traditional cubical style offices lingering around America. I haven’t sat in a cubical since working in the newspaper business, so this list may be geared towards the newer, younger crowd. Regardless, every office tries to have some sort of bonding and shenanigans for its employees so they don’t go insane. Sometimes you have to join in, sometimes you’re unsure what to do, and sometimes you avoid at all costs. Let’s get to some of the activities…

Free food

Whether it’s once a week or a special monthly occasion, free food is always a plus. There’s two important mottos to live by: [1] If it’s free, it’s for me (thanks, Cory) and; [2] food is love. With food in the office, it’s easy to take what you want and leave what you don’t. No one should judge or question if you only take a certain food. What can be a pain is holiday potluck, where Nancy from HR pushes her green bean casserole on you and you’re forced to eat it so you don’t look like an asshole. Tips for eating during office snack time: [A] Bring it to the desk to look like you’re working your ass off and can’t take 10 minutes to sit in the break room to eat, [B] This helps you grab seconds and then take 10 minutes to sit in the break room to eat, and [C] Do not eat anything that’ll potentially give you the runs, especially if you don’t know the source of the food. As for bringing food, play it safe with finger snacks or chips. Don’t put more effort into it than you would for watching football on Sundays.

Office holiday party

This is typically something most people feel obligated to attend, and sometimes rightfully so. You spend 40 hours a week with the same people, and the last thing you want to do is see those same people in your off time. Is it necessary to attend? No, but it is if you’re trying to get on the boss’s good side or get your name out there. So if you do attend, keep in mind that it’s probably going to be mediocre at best. Go in with very low expectations and you might enjoy yourself. Might. Tying into the last topic, be wary of the food that is brought and cautiously eat. Don’t be the food guy always eating and definitely don’t be the guy who gets drunk. Have a drink in your hand at all times, but you don’t necessarily need to drink. Just have it so it seems like you’re enjoying yourself and so no one can offer you a drink (goes along with Nancy offering her casserole). All in all, if you need to go for whatever reason you think, just blend in. Otherwise, let everyone know you’re going to your folks and/or grandmother’s, even if they’re dead. If your coworkers know the livelihood of your family members, you’re becoming too close to them.

Off-site flag football game

No. You get caught in the rain, home in three hours, and you end up having to push the game back to a later date when the weather is freezing.

Any activity involving sports is tricky. If it’s a softball league, all the guys want to play. Some might be hardos about it, but they at least collectively agree that their best years are behind them and this league is the only thing keeping meaning in their otherwise meaningless life. As for pickup games, it’s a tricky situation. Is it co-ed? How many hardos are playing? Do you know most of the people playing? These are things I should have considered prior to signing up. I looked back at the list of participants this morning and I didn’t know a single person. Plus, a few women signed up. No thanks. I can’t cover a receiver while on D as it is, and I’ll be damned if a chick burns me for 250 yards and a pair of touchdowns. Thus, I canceled my sign-up.

Attending a sporting event

Easy yes to this. Free tickets to a game, especially in a suite, is a no brainer in my book (again, if it’s free, it’s for me). You can enjoy the game and you don’t necessarily need to talk to anyone. If you choose to, then it’s minimal and not painful. Others in office look at you as being fun and down for cool guy stuff while putting minimal effort into an activity.

If you have more, send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or Tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray

ENJOY YOUR THANKSGIVING

Turkey Day is right around the corner. I know several people who are already playing Christmas music and getting the decorations up, but my advice is don’t get too ahead of yourselves. Fall is the best season of them all, hands down, and Thanksgiving is the last hoorah of Autumn. Yes, first snow fall is exciting and Christmas gets everyone warm and fuzzy inside. But don’t pass over Thanksgiving or take it for granted.

Also, canned jelly cranberry sauce > actual cranberry sauce.

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Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or Tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray

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