Do women poop at work? An investigation

While sitting in my personal 12 x 10 office, I pondered an important issue that I believe needs to addressed: do women poop at work? I can say that most men, especially those paid hourly, take their sweet time on the porcelain throne. But even in my adult years, I still think about this issue and it’s bothersome. It’s time we solve one of the great mysteries of life. Let’s text some ladies in my phone…


The classic “girls don’t poop” excuse. We’re not 12 anymore. A response like this just screams, “I poop and I poop often, especially at work.” Also, who are you trying to protect? Note, I ask if ladies poop at work, not the person I’m texting specifically.

My niece is too cool to text me, so Snapchat it is? Again, stop trying to defend the ladies. Notice she added “we,” so now she’s really defensive. You can’t fool me.file_005

I had to ask another student. She basically confirms that not only does my niece poop, but she does so at school. With this text however, you have to be wary of the initial response. She’s thrown off, so maybe this question hits too close to home and gives an excuse to direct it off herself.
file_0002Good honest answer here I can appreciate. There’s no place like home, and that’s especially true with the loo. But her being thrown off at first is an indicator she may have just pooped, especially since I got a response a half hour later. Then she adds that she’s confused? Please, there’s no confusion: you just pooped.

Pretty similar to above. Clearly uncomfortable because she’s most likely pooped casually and not during an emergency.

TMI, TMI, TMI with the period talk. And fun fact men: don’t make buffalo chicken dip at the Christmas party this year.


The honest answer we deserve. An answer that says “I poop at work, I am proud of it, and if you don’t, you’re less of a woman.” Let’s meet a couple of women who display this self respect…file_000

A high school teacher nonetheless.


And finally…

Thanks for the input, mom. I’m not sure many want to read this either, but it’s here.


Women poop at work, whether it’s an emergency or not. Many men like to poop at work because it gets them away from work, but it’s uncertain whether women have the same motives in this regard. Anyone who says they don’t poop clearly does and does often. Friends, stay woke whenever a female is away from the desk for an extended period of time, even during lunch hour. Lunch hour is clearly a cover-up for women’s bowel movement.

I invite my readers to text any and all females in their phones asking if ladies/women/girls poop at work or school and tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray the response with the hashtag #DoWomenPoopAtWork   I look forward to seeing the responses.

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