GMIM#9: Holiday Edition

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Steve Burns Finally Confirms Why He Left Blue’s Clues

58531f84120000c40beef91f

Source: So was a music career the real reason Steve left “Blue’s Clues”?

“That’s actually not true,” Burns told [The Huffington Post]. “No, no, no, no. People think I left the show to pursue a music career. That didn’t happen at all.”

Burns confirmed that getting older ― and, yes, losing his hair ― had a lot to do with his decision.

“I left the show because it was just simply time to go. I was pretty much playing a boyish, older-brotherish kind of character on the show. I was getting older; I was losing my hair; a lot of the original gangsters on the show, like the people who created it, were all moving on to other careers. It just felt like time. I just had a gut feeling like it was time to go,” said Burns.

I’ve always felt like Steve’s departure from Blue’s Clues was a bigger mystery than the lockness monster and bigfoot combined. Different internet theories suggested he died or wanted to make music. Growing up I heard he got into drugs and alcohol, which I wouldn’t blame him after talking to kids in front of a green screen for years. But nope, as Steve himself said, the OG’s of the show were leaving the hood known as Blue’s Clues. Oh, and he was losing his hair…like bad.

steve-burns

Oh my…

An incredible 180 from our man, Steve. He’s now making kids music in his post-Blue’s Clue life, so he hasn’t gone away from entertaining children in his career. Best of luck to the new Moby going forward.

Why does every “Christmas Tree Shops” look old?

So I had to do some Christmas shopping the other week, as pretty much everyone is doing around this time. For some reason, I went into a Christmas Tree Shops (sidenote: yes, the “s” is included on the end, so it’s Shops) at Patriot Place next to Gillette Stadium. If you haven’t been, Patriot Place has numerous shops and restaurants that have been there for less than a decade. For whatever reason, inside Christmas Tree Shops looks old.

image_83inspiring-inside-christmas-tree-shops-christmas-decor-ideas

The color scheme, tiling, crown molding, everything! Take grandma’s house, expand it 10 fold, and make her a compulsive hoarder, and boom! You got yourself a Christmas Tree Shops. It’s genius because you’ll keep the older folks in longer in a comfortable and relatable environment. The merchandise is actually not bad, but the place sometimes smells like grandma. Maybe it’s the scent, or maybe it’s all the customers. I’d rather not know the answer.

Mini investigation: Is Santa Claus actually Jesus Christ?

From the brain that brought you “Do Ladies Poop At Work?” comes the semi-original theory “Is Santa Claus simply an aged Jesus Christ?”

Everyone knows of course that Christmas celebrating the holy day of buying gifts, eating, drinking, and the birth of a cool guy named Jesus (sometimes pronounced hey-zeus). I don’t quite remember where or how I came up with this theory, but all I know is that it’s real. Trust me. This website Berean Research Institute went ahead and listed all the comparisons between Jesus and Santa, even listing specific Bible verses to cross reference. Here are some of the highlights:

  • Large beard
  • Hour of his coming is a mystery
  • Omniscient and Omnipresent (get a dictionary, ya dummy)
  • Ageless

The list is specific to each figure’s persona and physical appearance, but what else can we tie together that is frequently featured during Christmas time? Let’s start with this:

Elves

Santa has his many elves in the north helping him craft toys and prepare for December 25. The elves follow the big man’s lead and basically worship him. Sound familiar folks?

lastsupper

Jesus had his disciples; Santa has his elves. Think about it.

Name/Canonization

The name Santa Claus has resemblance to “Saint Christ.” Now, Jesus wasn’t exactly made a Saint, but his life work, miracles, and resurrection would all qualify him as a first-ballot HOF Saint. As the Berean site points out, Kris Kringle translates to Christ child. Santa is the male version of Santo, an Italian female name for Saint. Claus is the German short form of Nicholas. Hence, Saint Nicholas.

mti2nzy0mzizmzu4otm4mzg2

But wait Zach, isn’t Saint Nicholas a real person? Indeed he was. But if we look at Saint Nicholas’s Wikipedia page (much accurate, such true), “because of the many miracles attributed to his intercession, he is also known as Nikolaos the Wonderworker.” That’s interesting, because wasn’t Jesus a man of many miracles? And isn’t it a miracle that Santa flies around the Earth delivering toys to every good boy and girl in one night? You’re damn right they’re miracle, and you better believe Saint Nicholas is Jesus, and Jesus is Santa.

Santa’s Reindeer

reindeer

You know Dasher and Prancer…and the rest of them. They’re the V8 engine to power Santa’s Sleigh: reindeer. The original number of reindeer Santa used in the early days was eight. Now why is this significant? The Bible uses the number eight to signify Resurrection and Regeneration. If you remember, Jesus was resurrected and (to satisfy my theory) regenerated into jolly ol’ Santa. AstroVera does a good job explaining eight’s significance, specifically with this tid-bit:

According to the Bible, Eight has a special meaning for God, as He chose the eighth day to mark the beginning of the new week.

Interesting, because isn’t the New Year a week after Christmas?

Now you might be thinking I forgot about Rudolph, but I didn’t folks. Adding the red-nosed reindeer brings us to nine of those fellas dragging Santa around the globe. There are numerous references to the number nine in the Bible. Once again, from AstroVera:

When Jesus Christ was nailed on the cross, he expires at the ninth hour. Also Jesus appears a total of nine times to his apostles and disciplines after his resurrection.

It goes on to mention how nine is a number for judgement. Santa has his naughty and nice list, and Christmas Eve night is essentially judgement day to see if people were naughty or nice over the past year.

Conclusion

Jesus died for the sins of others, but after his resurrection, he escaped to the one place no one would find or bother him: the North Pole. He bulked on weight to survive the cold, gained more disciples than he could imagine (elves), and rewarded those who lived a sin-free life during the year.

soc-jesus_vs-_santa46

Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or Tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray

Advertisements