GMIM: Wu-Tang, The Hefty Lefty, and ass implant death

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Pharma Bro found guilty of fraud, but I only care about one thing

Big story this past week as “Pharma Bro” Martin Shkreli was found guilty of fraud, as Shkreli was convicted of defrauding investors in his two failed hedge funds, MSMB Capital Management and MSMB Healthcare Management, by concealing trading losses behind fake account statements. He faces up to 20 years in prison.

This is irrelevant from him jacking up the price of Daraprim, which treats a parasitic infection. As chief executive of Turing Pharmaceuticals in 2015, Shkreli bumped the price of the drug from $13.50 to $750 a tablet.

People want him locked up forever, punished for raising the drug price, or harm done to him. I don’t care about his punishment, as there’s one thing I desperately need: the Wu-Tang album. You see kids, Shkreli purchased the Wu-Tang Clan’s final album Once Upon a Time in Shaolin for $2 million in 2015. Why so much? Well, it’s the only copy in existence and it won’t be commercially released for 88 years.There’s been two times we’ve heard parts of the album. First was after Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 presidential election. Shkreli said he would leak the album if Trump became president, thinking it would never happen. Well, it did, and Shkreli released bits of the album. He noted that he’d have to negotiate the terms with the Wu-Tang Clan in order to release it to the general public.

Then the other day, Shkreli hosted a live online chat to discuss his conviction. Playing in the background? Once Upon a Time in Shaolin.

I’m no lawyer, nor will I pretend to know anything about law, but I have to imagine there’s something that could be done here to get the Wu-Tang album out of Shkreli’s hands. In most fraud cases, the guilty individual’s valuables are seized. But Shkreli has money. . . a lot of money. And with rich guys who have money pouring out of every orifice on their body, they don’t go to regular prison. I know this because I watched Goodfellas.

With our luck, Shkreli will be allowed to take the album to prison with him and we won’t have access until the year 2103. All we can do at this point is hope and pray that somehow, someway, the people are granted access to Once Upon a Time in Shaolin as a result of this convection.

Jared Lorenzen, a.k.a. “The Hefty Lefty,” aims to become just “The Lefty”

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[Source] – During his playing days at Kentucky, quarterback Jared Lorenzen was listed around 260 pounds. That figure was around 280 pounds by the time his five-year NFL career came to a close in 2008 and then bumped up to 320 when he played for a few indoor football teams a few years back.

The whole time, though, Lorenzen’s weight was higher than he even knew — something he admitted in a 2014 ESPN The Magazine story. That was because he didn’t step on a scale in the eight years after he was cut by the Indianapolis Colts. And when he did, the figure shocked him: 502.8 pounds.

Now he plans to do something about it, while hopefully helping others along the way. Last week, Lorenzen announced “The Jared Lorenzen Project.” Lorenzen, now 36, knows it’s time to get his health in order. He wants to be an example for others struggling with obesity while doing so.

Sad, sad news coming from one of the greatest icons this country has ever seen. Super Bowl champion quarterback Jared Lorenzen is going all-in with “The Lorenzen Project” to lose a lot of weight and blend in with the rest of us. Lorenzen was recently named to my All-‘Murica team this past Patriots Day for his weight and athletic ability, but mainly his weight.

Lorenzen is obviously doing this to improve his health and overall well-being, but what does this mean for his career? The Hefty Lefty was a force behind center, despite being overweight. He’s just 36, so even if it takes him three years to lose the weight, he’ll be 39. You know who else succeeded at age 39? Tom Brady, and all he did was win his fifth Super Bowl.

So best of luck to Jared Lorenzen. We’ll be losing The Hefty Lefty, but his highlight reels will forever live on in immortality.

P.S.,  Why wasn’t Lorenzen ever considered for the ESPN Body Issue? Missed opportunity.

Woman gets butt injections, gets sick, dies

[Source] – A Harlem woman underwent cosmetic procedure and then became fatally ill soon afterward. Now, questions are surfacing over the practice where the procedure was done.

The death of Latesha Bynum, 31, is under investigation after police sources said a medical procedure she underwent may have taken her life. Sources told CBS2 Bynum paid for injections in her buttocks somewhere in a building on East 21st Street in Kips Bay. Though the building appears to be strictly residential, Bynum’s brother claims his sister was under the care of doctors whom she had seen for other procedures.

They had their licenses,” said the woman’s brother, Tymel Bynum. “They’re supposed to know what they doing, such a tragic incident.”

“After the procedure, something was wrong with my sister. I think her feet and stuff was blue,” Tymel Bynum said. “She went to the hospital and couldn’t breathe and whatever was in her went to her head. She was brain dead and she had zero chance to basically come back from it.”

This is a classic case of a story so bizarre, it almost seems fake. The fact she died could make it a touchy subject, but when you get ass-enhancement injections in an apartment building in New York City, you’re getting my reaction on this blog.

First and foremost, why are butt injections a thing? It’s like those international muscle-heads who inject their biceps with oil to look like the Hulk, only to come close to death. All they need to do is eat some chicken breast and do a couple hundred curls a day. If Latesha had upped her caloric intake and did side-bends and sit-ups (shout out Sir Mix-A-Lot), she would have improved her backside the natural way.

Ok, let’s say she tried this and really couldn’t improve her butt. Fine, go see a doctor or surgeon. But where did she go? Here:

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A goddamn apartment building. Granted, it does look nicer than the surrounding buildings, but no where do I see a sign for an ass doctor promising lowkey thicc results.

Then the brother gets interviewed to talk about how her sister’s ass killed her. The last two things I would want to discuss with anyone, never mind on television, would be my sister’s butt and her death, and this poor bastard had to discuss both. He gave a hell of a quote saying they had their licenses and were supposed to know what they were doing. Dude, the only license they possessed was to drive a car and clearly they didn’t know what the hell was going on when they injected blue fluid into your sister’s butt.

Yes, it’s a tragedy someone died at a young age, but what the hell do you expect when receiving black market, street-corner-quality plastic surgery? Even if she lived, we can only imagine how the results would have looked. Or maybe not.

Let this be a reminder that 1) you’re beautiful the way you are, 2) don’t get ass injections in a dirty NYC high-rise, and 3) even though it’s another Monday at work, it’s still better than death by ass needles

Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or Tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray

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