GMIM: First Day of Work

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking In

Weather: 63 degrees, clear skies
Traffic: Everyone sucks
Breakfast: Target brand protein shake
Zach on time?: Not exactly
Mornings without Starbucks: 140

Gripe of the Week: Ruby Chocolate

[Source] – A breakthrough by a Swiss chocolate maker expands the industry’s hues beyond just dark, milk and white.

Barry Callebaut AG, the world’s largest cocoa processor, has come up with the first new natural color for chocolate since Nestle SA started making bars of white chocolate more than 80 years ago. While it has a pinkish hue and a fruity flavor, the Zurich-based company prefers to refer to it as “ruby chocolate.”

The new product may help boost sales in a struggling global chocolate market that producers hope has touched bottom. As Hershey cuts 15 percent of its staff and Nestle tries to sell its U.S. chocolate business, ruby chocolate raises the possibility that next Valentine’s Day may arrive with store shelves full of natural pink chocolate hearts.

The innovation, based on a special type of cocoa bean, comes after about a decade of development, according to Chief Executive Officer Antoine de Saint-Affrique. The chocolate, unveiled in Shanghai Tuesday, has a natural berry flavor that’s sour yet sweet, according to the Zurich-based company, which works behind the scenes to produce chocolate sold by all the major producers including Hershey Co. and Cadbury.

“It’s natural, it’s colorful, it’s hedonistic, there’s an indulgence aspect to it, but it keeps the authenticity of chocolate,” the CEO said in a telephone interview. “It has a nice balance that speaks a lot to millennials.

Big, big news in the chocolate industry, folks. I’ve been on record of hating these damn Lindt Master Chocolatiers and their perfectly chiseled jaw-lines, but I have to admit, I’m excited for this new chocolate.

It’s no longer the big three of milk, dark, and white. Ruby is now on the scene. It’s like Golden State adding Kevin Durant, or the 80’s Celtics bringing on Bill Walton (sort of). You’ll no longer have to eat that artificially colored child’s-play garbage to enjoy pink colored chocolate. Now it’s all natural with a sweet and sour flavor.

But don’t forget, this breakthrough for chocolate makers is a big deal because Millennials are hurting chocolate sales. Yup, Millennials are now killing the chocolate industry. It took a decade to develop ruby chocolate and finally it’s time to lure in those damn kids who nearly destroyed the chocolate landscape. Shame on young folks for wanting to eat less desserts and would rather have foods with less sugar and fat. It’s all our fault.

There’s no need for Barry Callebaut’s CEO to throw in the Millennial comment. Dude, your company just invented the first unique chocolate in nearly a century, and we’re concerned that it’ll speak a lot to Millennials? Get out of my face, Antoine. Just because I’d rather enjoy a cannoli or real dark chocolate than a Kit-Kat bar that’s been sitting on the convenience store shelf for a decade doesn’t mean kids these days ruin everything. We just want to eat something better.

P.S.: That Simpsons clip is from 1994, and will always be relevant.

You think your Monday is hard? Try being this guy

[Source] – A PLASTIC surgery addict claims a botched nose job has left him with a painful and permanent erection.

Reality TV star Neven Ciganovic flew to Iran to have an operation to fix his crooked nose. But when the 45-year-old returned home to the Serbian capital, Belgrade he began to suffer long-lasting erections.

The Croatian stylist said: “I was in Iran for rhinoplasty for the documentary film that Channel 4 is filming covering my life. We did not record the surgery but only the consultation sessions with the doctor. They gave me general anesthesia and I reacted badly to it.”

Neven said during his plastic surgery doctors diagnosed him with the rare condition, priapism, a condition where men suffer painful erection that lasts for several hours. It’s not necessarily related to sexual stimulation or excitement and won’t disappear after orgasm.

In some cases recreational drugs such as cocaine, ecstasy, crystal meth and cannabis have also been found to trigger the nasty condition.

For 45-years-old, this guy clearly has everything together:

  • Reality TV star
  • Subject of a documentary
  • Plastic surgery addict
  • Permanent erection

Not all guys in their mid-40’s can claim just one of these achievements, never mind all four. Neven is ahead of the curve in life, and this latest incident is just a minor speed bump. (Side note: if you’re born with the name Neven, it’s inevitable that you end up becoming a reality TV star addicted to nose jobs.)

But here’s the biggest question out of all of this: why is he going to Iran for a nose job? Neven clearly didn’t learn from ass implant lady, and that happened in New York City. You can’t go somewhere sketchy to be a doctor’s human sketch book. See, I watched enough Doctor 90210 to know that you don’t go out to Iran for a nose job.

Let this be a reminder that you’re beautiful just the way you are. But if you’re a middle-aged reality star in need of a nose job, the only Wood you should deal with comes after Holly.

Song of the Week

As you may or may not know, I’ve been working in the customer service department for a year and eight months. Today, I made the move 11 floors up into marketing, more specifically social media marketing. It’s was a long process trying to get this job (three months of interviews to be exact), but I got the good news a few weeks ago.

I won’t get all sappy and thank everyone as if I’m making this important jump. This isn’t The Player Tribune or ESPN’s “The Decision,” but I didn’t want to go without acknowledging this change. Here on GMIM, I try to share weird stories and personal accounts that can either cheer up your day or make you say, “wow, that’s relatable.” Yeah, there are some strange things that are not even remotely close to what you or I experience (see erection story above), but once in a while, I’ll share something small and positive too, I guess.

The biggest takeaway from all this is to make everything matter and be creatively productive outside of your job. Yes, I enjoy writing and entertaining the six or seven people who read this every week, but I also know that employers need to see your work. Resumes, cover letters, and recommendations are great, but recent college graduates need to stand out and prove they’re better than the thousands they’re competing against to get a job.

I’m not writing this to say I know everything or I have this big brain job. I just know from experience, it’s good to hear from someone my age discuss their job hunting experiences. So whoever decides to read this, I hope you keep busting your ass at low paying jobs, put in the extra effort, and eventually get to a place that’s at least half of what you dreamed of at some point in your college days.

Ok, enough sappy stuff. Here’s a video of a camel racing a team of little sprinters:

Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or Tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray

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