Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…
Traffic: Took 20 minutes just to get onto the highway, so yeah…
Breakfast: Hot coffee with one packet of sugar and two flavored fake milk cup things
Zach arrival time: Good enough
Mornings without Starbucks: 176
Monday mourning metaphor
Flip your calendars: it’s wedding season
(Yes, I know it’s Tuesday, but when wedding season rolls around, all your days get mixed up. So deal with it.)
I’ll be honest, I don’t exactly know when wedding season starts or ends, but because I attended one on Sunday and have another this coming Saturday, I’m declaring it wedding season. Had this blog been written in the state of Utah, I’d simply post the Gregorian Calendar.
Prior to graduating college, I attended only one wedding in my short, short lifetime. I wasn’t exactly missing much, as little Zachie wouldn’t have been boozing it and ripping up the dance floor, but I wasn’t fully aware of what to expect in my later years. Since leaving college, it feels like I’m attending one of these every month. But in this month, they’re literally days apart from each other.
Sunday was a pleasant time and I actually felt fully prepared for the wedding. If you’re in the wedding party, you have no choice but to do what you’re told, much like a dog. Even if you don’t feel prepared or ready, you ave no choice but to be ready. But if you’re lucky enough to enjoy the wedding for what it is and not give speeches, then allow me to give you sound advice on how to fully enjoy yourself.
- Find out what the wedding party is wearing. The last thing you want to do is wear the same colors. This might sound exaggerated, much like teenage girls accidentally wearing the same outfit in high school, but there’s nothing more annoying that others constantly asking if you’re in the wedding, if you’re planning a speech, etc, etc. If the party is wearing gray, you blue. If they’re in traditional black, wear a gray suit. And ladies, never, ever wear white. Big no, no.
- Book your hotel as soon as possible, and get a first floor room. It’s a given to book your hotel as soon as possible, but the first floor importance might be a bit under sold. After a night of boozing it (or even if you’re not a drinker and just want to get right to bed), the last thing you want to do is either walk up a flight of stairs or wait for the elevator. And folks, if you’re drunk/hungover, that lift/drop kick you feel is the absolute worst for your stomach. First floor room ensure you don’t deal with that and you can get to your room right away. Plus, the front desk sometimes has free bottles of water, which is always important after a wedding.
- Pedialyte. Store brand or the real deal works fine. A bottle before bed and a bottle in the morning does the trick. You won’t feel more awake, but you won’t feel like death either.
- Always get the steak. If they don’t have steak, don’t go.
- Stick to one drink. No, not one single beverage, but one type of drink. Can’t be mixing whiskey with vodka and then pound back a few beers at the end of the night. Something tasty, but not too sweet. Jack & Coke, Moscow Mule, or anything related works best. And if you stick with beer all night, God bless ya.
- Ladies, bring flip-flops. Your heels look great and all, but you will be hurting if you leave them on all night or even go barefoot.
- Have a late-night food plan. Do some research prior. Which places are nearby? Who delivers? What food is around? Will the wedding have food afterward? These are the big questions you need answered prior to attending.
I’ve probably missed others, but you can shoot me more suggestions on my Twitter page or however else you want to tell me. (You won’t, but I offered.)
Online shopping is king, and it’s not even close
The night before the wedding, I went to the mall to grab a few items for the next day’s festivities. Thought it would be a quick trip, but I was sadly mistaken. Long story short, it was three hours of “shopping” before heading back to the first store I entered to grab a couple of things.
All I thought about the whole time was, “Why the hell didn’t I do this weeks ago…online?”
Let’s put my experience and throw it online: check several different stores, remember which items you like, compare prices, check for discounts, makes decision. The time is took for me to type out those steps was probably longer than process of shopping online. In fact, there’s only four reasons to shop in person:
- Last minute (sadly me)
- Try items on before purchasing
- Sales and/or avoid shipping cost
- You’re bored
Going to the mall because you’re bored means you’re either 13-years-old or you really don’t know what to do otherwise.
For a while, I’ve telling myself that online shopping won’t completely take over malls, stores, or shopping centers, but after Saturday, I’m convinced malls will cease to exist in a decade (little stretch, but oh well). Think about stores like Macy’s, Sears, or JCPenny; they were the single store version of the mall before the mall. And the mall was the real-life version of Amazon.
When these stores go out of business, be on the lookout for the next Huffington Post article on how “Millennials are Killing Malls.”
Song of the Week
In honor of #WeddingSeason (alternate: #WDDNGSZN), here is the one song that every person will dance to at a wedding (and simultaneously stop dancing once asked to do the “Charlie Brown”).
Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray