GMIM: A Little Too Woke

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking In

Weather: Perfect Autumn conditions
Traffic: For a Monday, not bad
Breakfast: Dunks iced French Vanilla (only because it was 87 cents)
Zach arrival time: Just right
Mornings without Starbucks: 182

Monday Mourning Metaphor

When you don’t care about your job, but need a paycheck:

(Not, that’s not me.)

Conspiracy Theory: Did Gordon Hayward purposely break his leg to improve his eSports career?

Credit: Ken Blaze-USA TODAY Sports

If you somehow missed it last week, newly acquired Boston Celtics “superstar” Gordon Hayward spent about five minutes with his new team before trying to imitate opposing superstar Derek Rose by dislocating his ankle and breaking his leg. It’s assumed he’ll be done for the season.

As tragic as this may seem, I don’t believe Hayward will be losing much sleep over this injury… literally. If you didn’t know, Hayward is an eSports nerd, which means he likes to play video games. So there’s a real chance he’ll be spending late nights on Call of Duty playing hardpoint and demolition rather than ice and elevation.

If you didn’t watch the video, don’t worry. I didn’t either. If you’re more of a reader, here’s Hayward’s Players Tribune piece. Yawn City.

You may think this is a wild claim, but connect the dots, folks, and you’ll see exactly what’s really going on.

Timing

It’s interesting that Hayward decided to break his leg so early in the season. He’s been such a competitor both on the court and in the basement. He could have waited until the Celtics started to trend downward or until their eventual 2nd round exit from the playoffs. So why would Gordon decide to do this so early? Well, the eSports Championship Series (ECS) takes place in October. I guess the only Fall Classic Hayward cares about doesn’t involve cracked bats and breaking balls, but instead cracked bones and broken ankles.

The Failed Dunk Attempt

A quick Google search will show that Gordon Hayward only attempts one sort of Alley-oop: a give-and-go from the bench-side 3-point line. Seriously, it’s the only one. He did it last season against the Cavs.

So you mean to tell me that Cleveland was going to be caught off guard again by the same play from the same player on the first game of the season? Please.

We’ll have to start referring to Gordon’s opening night debacle as the “dally-oops!”

He joined the IGN League in 2011, LeBron James style

Everyone knows when you make a LeBron James style decision video, you mean business. People forget, LeBron James is a businessman. And the best NBA player on Earth. So if Hayward is modeling his eSports announcement after the best NBA player, he must think he’s the bees knees of the video gaming landscape.

In Conclusion

If Gordon Hayward decides to return to the Celtics next year, don’t expect his heart to be in it. A classic case of wanting to hold a controller instead of being one.

Man fed up with nagging wife hides in forest for 10 years

[Source] – A gardener got so fed up with his wife’s nagging he ran away from home and lived in the woods for ten years.

Malcolm Applegate, 62, was married to his wife for three years before upping sticks after the relationship reached breaking point. He then made his way from Birmingham, where they lived, to London – making half the three-week journey on foot after his bike was stolen, the MailOnline reported.

Malcolm said: “I was married to her for three years, but unfortunately it got too much.

“I think she assumed I was dead. I wrote her a letter once I was settled in Greenwich and she phoned me up, in floods of tears.

“We now have a great relationship again.”

I’m not sure what’s crazier: this guy running away to the woods for TEN YEARS because his wife was pissing him off, or the Mrs taking him back. Just a bizarre turn of events for this lovely old couple across the pond.

Ladies, take note of this. You my think you’re trying to get a point across by constantly asking your man to clean the dishes. First you nag, then you’re making it a daily occurrence when he won’t listen. Next thing you know, he’s running into the woods to avoid the sound of your voice.

But was Malcolm onto something? Sure, he could’ve gotten a divorce or moved into a friend’s home for a bit. Or hell, just tell her to shut up. But then he’d still have to work and pay taxes. Now that I think about it, I’m staying woke on this one.

Maybe he had amassed a massive gambling debt or was in trouble with the feds for tax evasion. He obviously couldn’t say he ran away to avoid paying bills, so he just used his wife as an excuse. Classic husband move.

The wife took him back no problem, so she must’ve connected the dots and realized he was doing this for the betterment of their family. Plus, if he was presumed dead, then goodbye debts. Double-wokeness from me on this: she was in on it, too.

Can’t rule anything out when it comes to an old British couple.

Song of the Week

As we established last week, it’s Wedding Season. So let’s go with a classic that’ll get all the old white folks up and dancing. (And yes, I twisted and shouted.)

Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray

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