GMIM: White people at it again

Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking In

Weather: 35, cloudy
Traffic: (See below)
Breakfast: Veggie egg-white flatbread, medium hot coffee
Zach arrival time: Not late
Mornings without Starbucks: 203

Monday Mourning Metaphor

Drove by a moving dumpster fire this morning…

Honorary metaphor goes to this highlight from last night’s Sunday Night Football game. Was going to use that, but got beat out. Oh whale…

Capitalist slime-pigs attempt to deceive me

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[Source: Washington Post] – After years of trying to win over lunch and dinner crowds, Starbucks is preparing to open its first stand-alone Italian restaurant.

The company is teaming up with Princi, a small chain of 24-hour bakeries in Milan and London, to offer customers freshly made items including focaccia sandwiches, margherita pizzas and tiramisu. The first stage of the partnership will debut Tuesday, when Starbucks opens a Princi bakery in its upscale Reserve Roastery in Seattle. The company plans to eventually open bakeries inside all of its Reserve locations, and next year hopes to open stand-alone Princi eateries across the country. The openings will be in New York, Seattle and Chicago.

“We’re getting into the food business,” Howard Schultz, the chairman of Starbucks, said in an interview. “Princi will be fully integrated with bakery operations, so not only will we be roasting coffee, but we’ll be baking bread, pastries — the kind of Italian pastries you’ve never seen in America.

But this isn’t the first time Starbucks has pinned its hopes on a stand-alone bakery. In 2012, the company paid $100 million for La Boulange, a San Francisco-based company with 23 stores. Starbucks had high hopes then, too, with plans to open about 400 new locations in five years.

But it didn’t take long for those plans to fall flat. Three years later, Starbucks said it would be closing its La Boulange bakeries because they were “not sustainable for the company’s long-term growth.”

Well, well, well… if it isn’t my old nemesis trying to pull a fast one on me. They must’ve gotten word I celebrated 200 days without Starbucks and devised a plan to win me back.

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The ‘Bucks has been trying to get me back in all year, but all they’ve done is finger point and fail. Next thing you know, these restaurants close down in a year and it’s all Millennials’ fault. Classic.

This is what I don’t get about chains like this. Why are they so hellbent on launching new and crazy things like restaurants, name changes, or complete rebrands? Sure, adding new flavors, food options, etc, etc is always good for business, but what are they gaining by opening a full restaurant? Starbucks, as much as I’d hate to say it, is wildly popular as is. It shouldn’t take this to help increase profits.

Instead, they should (a) cut down on the number of cafes they have. Seriously, does every major city need a Starbucks literally every three blocks away? And (b) apologize to me for refusal of service.

Today in White People

[Source: CBS Boston] – Since new leaf blower restrictions took effect this year, Newton police have received hundreds of complaints from residents. The flood of leaf blower-related calls has forced the department to adjust how officers respond, concerned the contentious issue is putting a strain on their resources.

The ordinance now prohibits the use of gas-powered blowers from Memorial Day to Labor Day. It also requires a 65-decibel noise limit on leaf blowers all year.

Karen Bray is leader of the group Newton Citizens Against Leaf Blower Mania, which advocated strongly for restrictions that took effect in April.

Bray, who works from home, does not disguise her disdain for the yard equipment. If it were up to her, they would be banned.

“They have a high-pitched, screeching whine,” Bray expressed. “They raise your blood pressure. When you’re in your home office, it’s impossible to think. The quality of life has been very decreased by the overuse of leaf blowers.

City records show the top 15 callers make up roughly 42 percent of leaf blower complaints. The most frequent caller has dialed police 18 different times.

Imagine going through the police academy, enduring long days of training that includes both mental and physical strain. You finally graduate and become a real life police officer and are assigned to the city of Newton, MA. Then, your most frequent crime you have to combat is… leaf blower complaints.

A few years back, “first world problems” were the hottest memes in the street, but I think that has evolved into super white people problems. The leaf blower quarrel has been an ongoing saga in the hard streets of this suburb west of Boston, and is easily the biggest Newton controversy since gravity was discovered.

During my time at Lasell College (located in Newton), the biggest complaint among students living on campus was leaf blower noise. It was never about the level of noise, but rather when they started. You see, 7 a.m. on a weekend morning after a night of boozin’ it was not ideal. So the landscaping crews pushed their leaf blowing back a couple of hours and all was good.

Flash forward seven years later, and we now have the NCALBM formed to combat the horrific epidemic destroying the already decimated city of Newton. First the leaf blowers come for their ear drums, then they’re attacking home offices. Next thing you know, they’re blowing loose dirt onto the sidewalk and devaluing seven-figure homes across the city. And you thought the opioid epidemic was bad?

Thank god the city will soon recover with the NCALBM on community watch. It takes a fearless leader to destroy an ungodly evil, and what better person to take on a daunting task than Karen Bray, whose name literally translates to “pure donkey cry.”

Let’s hope this gets taken care of soon, because I personally don’t know how much longer Newton will survive.

Song of the Week

RIP Ol’ Dirty Bastard, who died 13 years ago today.

Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray

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  1. Pingback: GMIM: One Year Without Starbucks | Zachary Adam Gray

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