GMIM: Christmas

Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking In

Weather: 10, cold
Traffic: Christmas gifts are scattered
Breakfast: Coffee with coconut cream and sugar
Zach arrival time: 8:55 a.m. (a.k.a, when I woke up on couch)
Mornings without Starbucks: 245 (as of Monday)

Monday Mourning Metaphor

Toddler signals ‘help’ in sign language during photo with Santa

White Christmas is overrated

Monday was the first white Christmas in roughly nine years, which could be connected to our glorious leader’s charging defense against the assault on Christmas.

Anywho, when the weather report said snow was expected Monday, I was thinking it would be a lovely ole time, like in the movies and such. Here’s the deal though: as a kid, it’s great… but as a grown-up, not so much.

Young Zach would have frolicked through the snow after a morning of opening gifts and eating cookies. But adult Zach unwrapped his car from the pile of snow it was under.

My morning was inconvenienced by snow, but for those who plow, Christmas was spent handing out salt to the roads instead of presents to children. Most importantly, you lose time to booze it up.

So even after you shovel or use the snowblower, you still have to go house to house in the snow. And during this, you have to decide to either wear obnoxious snow boots (which I did) or ruin nice shoes.

Overall, it was an appropriate Monday: high hopes, but interrupted but inconveniences. Oh well, I have a nice week of cold-ass weather to look forward to. (High temperatures in the teens…ya!!!)

Worst Christmas songs

Not that I hate Christmas, but I’m glad I don’t have to listen to Christmas songs all day long everywhere I go. Some are swell, some go with the season, and some are absolute bangers (looking at you Kenny G), but there are a few Christmas songs that are horrendous.

So with that, here are the worst songs to play on Christmas. So avoid these next year…

War is Over – John Lennon

“So this is Christmas, and what have you done?” Well John, I didn’t dismantle The Beatles, so I’m on the nice list. Take your hippie song and go shove it. Not that I need my Christmas songs to be overly seasonal, but this song is just Lennon’s hippie BS with the words “Happy Christmas” tossed in over and over again.

Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer – Elmo n Patsy

This song came on when I was decorating the tree earlier this month, and I wish the tree fell and impaled me. The instrumentals drive me crazy, and the lyrics are stupid.    Not much else to say. This song sucks.

So there you go. That was just to say I hate these two songs. I used to hate “Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney, but I’ve come around on it. It’s more of those ironically terrible songs, like “Dominick The Donkey.”

Is wearing a robe in a bar acceptable? An investigation

This important Tweet came across my timeline this week and it begs asking: why are you at the bar on Christmas night?  No, the real topic is wearing a robe to said bar. I was then asked the following:

Chris obviously gave his answer, but let’s dive into this a bit further.

Would I ever wear a robe into a bar on a casual night? Absolutely not. Only a complete psychopath would do such a thing. But there are a few exceptions to wearing a robe in public:

  1. Themed party. A bachelor party, birthday, or Halloween are all acceptable times to wear a robe to a bar. Just make sure it’s clean.
  2. You’re rich and/or Hugh Hefner. Only big ballers can pull off the robe in the bar look, but make sure it’s complete with silk pants, nicely done hair, slippers, etc. etc.
  3. Holiday. Who knows, maybe this guy was still opening presents and said, “shit, I’m late for the bar,” got up, and got there as soon as possible to booze it up. Can you blame the guy if that was the case? Nope.

So that’s that. Make sure your robe is clean and/or not white. White robes are for crazy people. Oh, and if you’re a common man past your 20’s and you’re wearing a robe in public, you’re most likely a child predator of some sort.

Song of the Week

It’s going to be cold this week, folks. Bundle up and crack up the heat.

Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray

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