GMIM: Baby Face

Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking In

Weather: 39 degrees (face temp: 20)
Traffic: It’s been worse
Breakfast: Caramel latte
Zach arrival time: 9:30-ish
Mornings without Starbucks: 301

Monday Mourning Metaphor

 

Breaking News: I Shaved

Its true folks: I went clean-shaven over the weekend. The lady and I enjoyed a lovely Valentine’s Day dinner cruise on Boston Harbor. The smoked duck, lobster soup, salmon, wine, and more. You know, common man stuff.

So in preparation of the night, I rid my face of the fur. I will admit, it’s a cleaner and more professional look, so it worked for Saturday. But now it’s Monday Tuesday again. Spring isn’t here yet, so my face and two chins are cold. By the time my patchy, uneven beard returns, it’ll be too warm outside.

So what’s my next move? Do I buy hair loss products and hope it helps my facial hair regrow faster? Maybe look into hair transplant surgery from my neck and chest and transfer into my patchy areas? Perhaps I can use some makeup and concur my face into a fake beard? Shoutout Carlos Beltran and or Jose Batista. Also, the girlfriend taught me what contouring was and it blows my mind that anyone would use makeup anywhere other than their face. Wild stuff.

Anywho, today (was) Monday and my face is cold and sad. Let’s hope for a speedy recovery.

The Keytar Bear is a fraud: MY COLUMN

This fucking guy.

Ole homeless Ted lookin’ headass. Goes corner to corner around Boston “playing” his funky music in hopes of catching a few quarters from dumbass kids walking by. Hey pal, you ain’t fooling me. I see your stupid hands and you don’t have fingers to play. It’s all pre-recorded and you’re just nodding your head to bootlegged funky versions of Stairway To Heaven.

I’d rather listen to the Asian dude in the Orange LIne play his violin looking thing since he’s not a faker like Keytar Bear. At least he can actually play a music. All Ted does is hit play. Screw this guy.

Song of the week: Russian National Anthem

“But Zach, isn’t this the Olympic theme song?”

Why yes, yes it is. But the Olympics are allowing a “select” number of Russian athletes to compete in this year’s winter games as “Olympic Athletes of Russia,” or OAR. It’s silly really. They ban the “country” from competing and being represented, but we all know it’s Team Russia. We’re not dumb. The Olympic committee might think that Russia is being removed, but they’re not. And I’m sure they’re still doing them doping drugs, but what do I know?

I will tell you one thing: huge missed opportunity to come out to “Crazy Game of Poker” during the opening ceremony or during the medal ceremony. Can’t go by OAR and not use one of their songs. Could have been lit and made curling even more enjoyable.

Cue the music!

Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray

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