Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…
Weather: Wade Boggs
Traffic: Not bad, but people on the train smell.
Breakfast: Chocolate mocha mint iced coffee (regular) and a jalapeño cheddar bagel with butter
Zach arrival time: 9:05 a.m. EST
Mornings without Starbucks: 308
Monday Mourning Metaphor
The Girl Scouts are taking all my money
I’ll be honest, I’m getting a little concerned about this. It feels like the Girl Scouts have been setting up their tables everywhere and slinging out cookies left and right. And who’s the sucker buying in? This guy.
Let’s take a step back. A few weeks back, my lovely lady decided to pick me up a box of thin mints out of the good grace of her kind soul. Not even a week later, the Girl Scouts are inside the mall set up like a goddamn iPhone repair kiosk. Two days later, they’re outside Lowe’s waiting for me. I naturally bought boxes every time.
Mama took notice of the stash in the kitchen and made a comment about the girls starting early this year. It did make me wonder why Girl Scouts would already be selling cookies in the end of January, outside nonetheless.
Something fishy is going on. I connected a few dots and saw that Massachusetts will operate like a sanctuary state for weed smokers. Just recently, the Girl Scouts of Colorado updated their policy to allow its troops (is that the term?) to sell cookies outside of dispensaries. I’m not saying the Girl Scouts are operated by the marijuana mafia, but I’m also not ruling out that the Girl Scouts are operated by the marijuana mafia.
Stay woke on this one, folks. Because you never know if every $5 you hand over is going straight into the pocket of some weed-crazed, cookie-eating kingpin.
Today’s “Well, no shit” story: being a millionaire makes you happier
[Source] – People with more wealth tend to report being happier with life, according to a new psychological study of more than 4,000 millionaires.
The study, which was published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, also found evidence that millionaires who earned their wealth were happier than those who inherited it.
“Many people aspire to great wealth, and becoming a millionaire is a commonly used reference for financial success. The question of whether more wealth leads to greater happiness has interested economists, behavioral scientists and the general public for decades,” said study author Grant E. Donnelly, a doctoral candidate in the Marketing Unit at Harvard Business School.
Wait, let me get this straight: being super rich with the ability to do whatever you want at any given moment makes you happier? COLOR ME SHOCKED. And, if you earn your way to that wealth, you feel a sense of reward and satisfaction on top of your money-induced happiness? DOUBLE SHOCKER.
Folks, I didn’t need a Harvard doctoral candidate to tell me this piece of useless information. I love when people say money can’t buy happiness. You’re right, because in the words of Eminem, it can buy you crazy-ass happiness.
It’s simple: if you have more money, you can do anything, buy anything, and best of all, eat anything. “But Zach, you shouldn’t make everything about money.” Right, that’s why we all go to work for 40+ hours a week, for the joy of sitting in traffic at 7 a.m. in the blistering cold. I didn’t go to work and deal with customer support emails for over a year for the money. No, I enjoyed being called a useless sack of crap by customers and would have kept that going for no charge.
Life runs on money, that’s a fact. If that’s not the case, then why do we pay for water, food, and air filters? Everything is monetized, so of course the millionaires will be happy. Plus, they can buy all the Girl Scout Cookies they want without feeling so broke that they have to write a stupid blog accusing the Girl Scouts of being run by the mafia.
With all that said, my Venmo is open to donations: @zacharyadamgray
How much doping do you really need to curl?
[Source: NYT] – PYEONGCHANG, South Korea — A Russian athlete who won a bronze medal in curling at the Winter Olympics here has failed a preliminary doping test, putting in jeopardy his medal and Russia’s efforts to move past a vast, state-backed cheating scheme that left it nominally barred from the Games.
I won’t be one of these hardos and say, “with enough training, I could be an Olympic curler.” But I will say this: why on God’s green Earth would anyone need to take a PED to curl??
I could see adderall to improve focus, but this dude was taking meldonium, which is for increasing blood flow. Dude, you roll rocks and sweep. You don’t see me doping up when I’m doing chores in and around the house. Maria Sharapova admitted to using this drug, but she plays tennis, a physically demanding sport. You play shuffleboard on ice (no disrespect to the great game of curling).
If you really think you need to take PEDs to be successful at curling, look no further than American curler Matt Hamilton, aka no-key thicc Andy Reid.
Pure American grit right there. Only thing missing is a Hawaiian shirt.
Song of the Week
Am I a NASCAR fan? Can’t say I am. Do I hate it? Nope. But what I can tell you is this arcade game had one of the most fire theme songs of all-time.
Picture this: you’re walking through the arcade seeking a machine to blow your quarters on. Then, you hear it… DAY-TO-NAAAAAAAAA!! LET’S GO AWAY! You look over and see a line of eight seats. Yes, EIGHT!
So many seats. So many lights. So much Daytona.
If you enjoyed yesterday’s race, then you’ll love this even more. If you didn’t watch (like me), you can still appreciate this fire jam.
Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray