Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…
Clocking In (on Monday)
Weather: Cold, rainy, and some snow
Traffic: I wouldn’t know, I rolled out of bed and jumped online
Breakfast: Some smoothie concoction
Zach arrival time: When the good lord shined his light upon thee
Monday Mourning Metaphor
It was cold Monday.
My fitness evaluation recap
I mentioned in last week’s blog that I had an upcoming fitness evaluation compliments of the nice folks from my gym. Well, I did it.
It started with me sitting down and chit chatting about my past fitness history (bleak), discussing goals (not be fat), and what I currently do (exercises incorrectly). After the speed dating, I jumped on a scale and held these blocks that were connected to the scale. I don’t know how a scale can measure body fat, but it did just that I guess. Anywho, the results I can remember were the following: 200lbs on the nose, 24% body fat (thicc), and 144lbs of muscle. Not great.
We then used this block and pole device thing that measures how poorly you do simple body movements, like stepping over a knee-high rope. My scores for each flexibility test were quite poor. Just by looking at me, the trainer knew I sat at my desk typing all day. Not a good sign.
In the end, the suggestions are more shoulder and hamstring stretches. Mr Trainer Guy is happy I’m doing yoga, since most guys are hardos and refuse to do yoga.
Baby steps, folks. Before becoming Zach McBufferson, I have to embrace my inner Stretch Armstrong. Little something called pliability.
Starbucks, the company that kills Californians, is also racist
How many L’s can one company suffer before dissolving the entire franchise? Last week, it was cancer-causing coffee in California, now it’s a warm cup of racism in Philadelphia.
If you aren’t up to speed with the news, two black men were arrested at a Starbucks for doing nothing. Literally doing nothing.
Now there are protests, people are pissed, and the CEO is meeting with the two men. And what’s next you ask?
Yup, pretty much every Starbucks is going to be trained on how not to be an asshole. Weird, because they could’ve used this training last year when they refused to serve me that frozen pixie diarrhea in a cup.
The big revelation from this story is all it took was some little not-for-profit group of hippies to force California-based Starbucks into admitting they kill people. This has to be a gateway into me exposing Starbucks as bigots in Massachusetts, right? I mean, why else wouldn’t they make me a Unicorn Frappuccino? Well folks, it’s just as clear as their coffee causing cancer: they hate short & stout people. I don’t fit the look of a “Starbucks customer.” All I need is a few others to join me and soon every cup of Starbucks in Massachusetts will be forced to feature a label saying “WARNING: This product was created on the grounds of both coffee and discrimination. Drink at your own risk.”
Things are brewing, and it certainly isn’t their coffee.
It’s as if Starbucks read my blog and said, “hold my spiced latte.” Incredible really.
My one year anniversary is next week, and these fools are “remodeling” the location which I experienced the refusal of service. Hmmmm, seems like interesting timing to “remodel” the shop. You serve coffee, not a hard concept. The only thing that needs remodeling is your image.
All in all, it’s a great day to be me (I think). Starbucks is getting exposed as frauds, and I’m dancing on their grave every step of the way.
Kendrick Lamar winning a Pulitzer is one step closer to me being forced to purchase Spotify
This blog is usually in good fun and humor, but on a serious note: what an unreal honor for Kendrick Lamar. Crazy to think since the 1940’s only classical and jazz music have won a Pulitzer Prize in music and now not only does mainstream music earn recognition, but a hip hop album specifically. The Pulitzer’s write-up perfectly summarizes the album:
…a virtuosic song collection unified by its vernacular authenticity and rhythmic dynamism that offers affecting vignettes capturing the complexity of modern African-American life.
Bruno Mars can enjoy his stupid Grammy.
After seeing the news, I naturally wanted to play DAMN. just so I could tell my mom I’m listening to world-renowned art. I didn’t want to do the ole YouTube special, since I had to give this the right treatment. So I figured, why not just shuffle the album on the Spotify app (since I refuse to pay for Spotify).
But get this: Spotify throws in other “suggested songs” while shuffle-playing an album. Side note: I’m sure this has been going on for a while, but I never open the app.
But I couldn’t believe they were tossing in these random songs within the album. Buddy, this isn’t Pandora, I just just want to hear DNA without pulling up the bootleg YouTube version.
So I guess this is another step closer to me giving in and paying for Spotify. We don’t have a Starbucks situation on our hands, but I’d say things between Spotify and I are in the love/hate stages. Update to come.
P.s. When I originally wrote the Spotify blog, I was going to upgrade my account the next day just to do a 180 in the blog, but then realized I actually didn’t want to pay for it. Amazing how $10/month is a “financial burden,” meanwhile I have no issue dropping $50 on bowling and beers.
Songs of the Week
Come on… was there any question what it would be? Enjoy the sounds of Pulitzer Prize worthy art.
Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray