Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…
Traffic: Bad, but it’s a beautiful day
Breakfast: Turkey sausage sandy and a shitty iced coffee… but it’s a beautiful day
Zach arrival time: Good enough
Mornings without Starbucks: 1 year
Monday Tuesday Mourning Morning Metaphor
A monumental day
The old saying goes that “time heals wounds” or “give it time,” that the concept of time will eventually ease tension and resolve any conflicts. Some would argue that a full year of reflection can allow one to be at peace with previous demons.Well, I can confidently say that as I type on this keyboard exactly one year from the day I began my boycott, I remain as bitter, spiteful, and salty towards the capitalist pigs known as Starbucks.
Long story short: I occasionally grab a coffee before arriving to the office. Nothing crazy, not a routine, but Zachie likes to treat himself every once in a while. One establishment I’d frequent was good ole Starbucks. Typically I would do a caramel latte, but would dip my toe into some other (coffee) waters once in a while.
On Sunday, April 23, 2017, I went into the Starbucks below the office before work to try the limited edition Unicorn Frappuccino. That Sunday was the final day they would be making these. It seemed like I was the first person to arrive, so there were no lines and only two people working. When I asked for one of these stupid things, I was told they had run out of the ingredients to make them. Ok, reasonable enough; numerous other locations had sold out. So I went with the usual.
10 minutes into my shift, a coworker comes in with a Unicorn Frappuccino… from the Starbucks I went to. Turns out, they simply didn’t want to serve me and I was denied ever drinking one of the overpriced cups of fairy vomit.
So for the past 365 days, I have made it my promise to boycott Starbucks for the way they treated me that day. What’s happened over the past year? Well…
- Starbucks experienced a software glitch
- Starbucks loses to Peet’s and 7Eleven in an iced coffee contest
- Struggling Starbucks attempts to rebrand to bring in more customers
- Starbucks’ executive chairman has brain fart
- Starbucks tries tricking me into drinking their coffee
- Investigation reveals Starbucks are scumbags
- Starbucks doubles-down on being scumbags by giving people cancer (allegedly)
- Starbucks triples-down on being scumbags by being racist
Lawd have mercy! How many L’s can one company take? And to think all of that could have been avoided by simply serving me some bullshit concoction.
How will I celebrate today? Well, I already had Dunkin Donuts. I’ll then proceed to chirp at Starbucks on Twitter. Finally, I’ll smile to the heavens and thank the man upstairs for giving me all the haters on this planet.
It’s a great day to be alive, especially when you don’t drink or work at Starbucks.
Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray