Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…
Weather: Absolutely perfect
Traffic: N/A (took the choo choo)
Breakfast: Half a crumb muffin and a Milky Way flavored iced coffee
Zach arrival time: 9:30-ish
Monday Mourning Metaphor
First and foremost: I didn’t get a Cosmic Coolatta
I promised last week that I would review the newest drink craze that’s sweeping that nation. Well, I forgot to get one last week, so review is coming next week. I promise…
Celebrating your birthday when you’re no longer a child
If you’re an absolute chump and don’t read my blog, you wouldn’t know that yesterday was my birthday. But I’m sort of under the impression that no one knew since no one donated to my personal Venmo yesterday (still open to “donation” at @zacharyadamgray). Nonetheless, Venmo remains available to anyone happy to give me late birthday donations.
Anywho, I had a little get-together yesterday with some family. Little grilling and booze, yard games, the works. Nice time. Here’s the thing though: every year I think of doing some sort of party, but it ends up being more work than I remember it requiring.
Things required in hosting a party
- Buying food
- Cooking food
- Cleaning after cooking food
- Clean my house (especially the bathrooms)
- Keep one eye on kids running around
- Keep other eye on drunk adults running around just like the kids
So put all that with a sore back and rain throughout the day, and it made for a busy birthday.
Listen, I’m glad everyone had a good time and that’s what I want. This isn’t to complain or be ungreatful because I appreciate everything and everyone. HOWEVAAA, I need to simply this thing going forward. I’m not at the age where I can party the entire time while mommy cooks and cleans for me. I’m almost 30 (insert shocked face emoji) and I have to be a big boy now.
What do big boys do? They order a bunch of pizza, buy a 30 of beer, and tell the kids to go screw. Well, maybe a small thingy with the kids, but not a large-scale party. Because as much as I like to blow bubbles in the rain, I don’t like to blow bubbles in the rain.
British kids can’t read clocks, continue to be stupid
[Source] – Schools in Britain are throwing their hands up over kids who can’t tell time on traditional clocks.
Some U.K. schools are ditching analog clocks from test rooms because a generation of kids raised on digital clocks can’t read them and are getting stressed about time running out during tests, London’s Telegraph reports.
“The current generation aren’t as good at reading the traditional clock face as older generations,” Malcolm Trobe, deputy general secretary of the U.K.’s Association of School and College Leaders, told The Telegraph.
Damn Millennials at it again! First they ruin cable TV, now they can’t read clocks. Have to be spoon fed everything. You want an avocado salad instead of a burger? Damn Millennial. You don’t want multiple credit cards and debt? Insufferable Millennials. You want actual numbers instead of rotating hands to tell you time? Fucking Millennials!
OK, I’m exaggerating the Millennial deal. I’m not exactly sure what this generation of children are considered. I won’t look it up because I don’t care.
What’s the real story here? Anyone know? Does anybody want to take a guess? I’ll tell you. While the world blames kids and Millennials for children being unable to read an analog clock, we miss the point that Generation X isn’t teaching these kids how to reach the clock. Plus, wouldn’t it be easier to tell a kid “When the big hand reaches 12, you are out of time.” But hey, what do I know.
Side note: I’m a big analog clock guy. Big time. Love me some giant analog clocks with Roman Numerals on them, especially with 3, 6, 9, and 12 featured exclusively. But if your clock has 4 as IIII, you are a noob. Here are some favorites of mine:
Ruthless Neo-Nazi to be locked up for denying Holocaust (and possibly for being old)
[Source] – German authorities say they’ve apprehended a notorious elderly neo-Nazi and taken her to prison to begin serving her sentence for Holocaust denial.
Police and prosecutors told the dpa news agency Monday that Ursula Haverbeck, 89, was picked up at her home in the town of Vlotho in central Germany.
Haverbeck was convicted of incitement last year in Verden state court and sentenced to two years in prison for denying the Holocaust, a crime in Germany. She was supposed to report to prison last week but vanished, prompting a search for her. It was not immediately clear when she returned home.
Haverbeck has repeatedly said the Auschwitz death camp in Nazi-occupied Poland was simply a work camp and has been convicted several times, but had avoided prison due to lengthy appeals.
Fuck this lady. I don’t care how old Gam-Gam is, you take her Holocaust-denying ass and throw it in the nearest prison to live the rest of remaining years. When you share the same name as the evil squid lady from Little Mermaid, your either a) want to rule the 7 seas, or b) are a Neo-Nazi. Who am I to say Ursula from Little Mermaid wasn’t interested in both. Disney never said she wasn’t a Nazi. Just saying.
Anywho, tack this up as another win for the Red, White, and Blue. Despite World War II ending decades ago, America is still getting small wins from the biggest victory on planet Earth.
Sad news: The original Starbucks that screwed me over is reopening
Company email sent out an update saying that the Starbucks below the office is reopened after renovations. Sad. Clearly there are some people in the office who don’t support my cause.
That news, combined with Nestle paying Starbucks $7.2 Billion IN CASH for the rights to sell their coffee, are a couple L’s I have to take on this Monday. But we’ll bounce back. Nothing could possibly go wrong with purchasing coffee for almost $10 billion.
Song of the week
Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray