Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…
Weather: On the cooler side
Traffic: Meh, didn’t want to throw myself in traffic, so that’s nice
Breakfast: Turkey sausage sandy on an english, cosmic coolatta (review to come)
Zach arrival time: 9:26 a.m. EST
Monday Mourning Metaphor
It’s here: my Cosmic Coolatta review
It took a couple of weeks, but it’s finally here: my cosmic coolatta review.
I only purchased this in response to Starbucks being a bunch of a-holes. I’m not one for sweets. I barely eat chocolate and rarely eat candy (yet I’m still thicc as hell). So I decided to use up the funds in my Dunkin card and purchase one of these things.
First and foremost: it looks NOTHING like the picture. Almost zero pink and the blue is flavored syrup that’s dropped on top of an off-white slush. I had them folks put whipped cream on mine, which turned out to the right decision.
Like their other coolatta drinks, the consistency is that of oil mixed with water. Dunkin has yet to achieve the slushie consistency seen by the slushie gods themselves down at 7-Eleven. Just an embarrassment of a beverage.
The flavor was cotton candy, but I’m not quite sure if it was that or expired simple syrup. It was thick, yet smooth; sweet, yet diabetes inducing.
Eventually the drink mixed into some purple-ish looking cup of sludge that tasted a little better with the whipped cream. I did finish it, so that tells you it wasn’t a complete waste of time drinking… I guess.
Overall, this drink sucks. Get this to occupy your kids when they can’t shut the hell up on the ride home from day care. They’ll think it’s a lava lamp, and anything that tastes remotely like sugar and candy is delicious to them. With that said, anything like this is much better than Starbucks.
Rating: 5/5 Cosmos
Actual rating not based on Starbucks being douchebags: 1/5 sludge balls
Songs of the Week
So I was listening to some Sirius on the ride home when some Seal come on. Absolutely lit up my speakers with some serious lyrical sex. Anywho, Seal was featured on “Prom Radio” and since then I’ve had the song stuck in my head since.
Let’s do my five favorite prom songs:
Had no idea this was featured on the Batman soundtrack. Poor bastard. Great name, great song.
Fun fact: my girlfriend’s first slow dance was to this song in the middle school semi-formal. Just a hilarious thought of 14-year-old kids who are completely out of touch with love, low dancing to Purple-freaking-Rain.
Still a banger of a song. Wish they had it at my prom. Sad.
Probably 75% of weddings in the mid-2000s had this as their first song. Not a great song, but when you hear those first few notes, you know it’s time to grab your prom date by the hand and awkwardly sway your hips side to side.
Oh shit! Grab your boys (and the girls who put you in the friend zone) and get on the floor to dance your ass off! Absolute banger of a jam. Little mix of User, Luda, and that sweet, sweet Lil John. basically made a song out of the only lyric Lil John has ever used. Early-2000s hip-hop never fails. Ever.
“Zach, this song sucks. Why is it on here?”
Listen, this is a prom playlist. They are meant to suck. We’re talking about hormonal teenagers who have no idea how to live life, no idea how to slow dance, and no idea how to be romantic. High school seniors are the type of kids who think The Police’s “I’ll be Watching You” is a love song. Is 311’s cover a love song? Well, it’s called one, so why not!?
Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray