Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…
Breakfast: Almond joy coffee with coconut creamer, three blueberry scones
Zach arrival time: When I woke up
Monday Mourning Metaphor
First thing’s first: Hi
Been almost three weeks since I last had a blog. It’s tough to keep up with the stupid stories of the world, my personal happenings, and hot takes when I get paid to create and push other content.
So we have a decision to make: either continue this as the GMIM, or simply write smaller blogs whenever I find something interesting. Personally, I like the once a week blog. Gives my 5 or 6 readers something to look forward to when the week starts. Plus, I like the irony in having a blog named after Mondays and how hard it is to get motivated, and yet the blog gets published a day or two after.
So I guess I don’t have a decision? Just be better I suppose and get this shit published sooner. Anywho, back to business…
Starbucks thought I was dead; proceeds to take numerous L’s
Since I last blogged, Starbucks, aka my arch nemesis, had a least three separate stories drop. First, it was their coffee shops serving as public parks:
[Source] – People no longer need to order any food to hang out or use the bathroom at Starbucks.
“We want our stores to be the third place, a warm and welcoming environment where customers can gather and connect,” the company said in a statement this weekend. “Any customer is welcome to use Starbucks spaces, including our restrooms, cafes and patios, regardless of whether they make a purchase.”
The announcement comes after two black men were arrested at a Philadelphia Starbucks in April,while waiting for a business meeting. One of the men had asked to use the Starbucks location’s bathroom without having made a purchase.
It’s a decision that seems to run counter to every logical business theory. Starbucks makes money based on customers buying food and drinks — not people loitering on their laptops or popping in to use the bathroom.
In some ways, opening stores is in line with Starbucks’ founding theory. However, the fact that the chain has been forced to put its open-bathroom policy in writing shows the brand is in crisis.
Then they shut down thousands of stores last week to teach their employees how not to be assholes:
[Source] – Starbucks is closing 8,000 company-owned U.S. stores at around 2 p.m. local time on Tuesday as a first step in training 175,000 employees on racial tolerance. Some 6,000 licensed Starbucks cafes will remain open in locations such as grocery stores and airports, and those employees will be trained at a later time.
And then just the other day…
[Source] – Howard Schultz, the outspoken executive chairman of Starbucks, will leave the company at the end of the month, bringing to an end the tenure of a socially conscious entrepreneur who turned a local Seattle coffee chain into a global giant with more than 28,000 stores in 77 countries.
Loss after loss for these poor bastards. Since they’ve been ousted as racist a-holes, now they have to let their stores basically be shelters for whoever feels like hanging out there.
I wonder if I should actually thank Starbucks for this one. Think about it: now that these coffee shops will accept anyone, all the creatures roaming Downtown Crossing will have a place to gather. No longer will I have to walk past the trash bag lady as she urinates into a storm drain, nor will I be asked to take out money from the ATM. I guess my commute to work will be much easier. So thanks Starbucks?
But folks, with Howard Schultz out from Starbucks comes a frightening tidbit from the New York Times:
Mr. Schultz’s decision to retire, a plan he said he privately outlined to the board a year ago, will most likely stoke speculation that he is considering a run for president in 2020. He is frequently mentioned as a potential candidate for the Democratic Party and has become increasingly vocal on political issues, including criticizing President Trump last year as “a president that is creating episodic chaos every day.”
Listen, I do not like Donald Trump one bit, but if this Schultz guy runs as the Democratic nominee, I have no choice but to buy a MAGA hat and vote Donnie for another four years. This is not the America I envisioned, and I’m strictly talking about the former head of Starbucks sitting in the Oval Office. I’ve been fighting this fight against Starbucks for too long just to have it end in them controlling the world.
Vote for someone more reasonable and with better experience, like Oprah Winfrey. Totally qualified and has nothing to do with anything I hate.
I hate Jimmy Buffett
The other week, the lady and I are putting together a playlist for the summer. You know, a good ole collection of songs for the beach house we’re renting for the 4th. No big deal, but kind of a big deal.
Anywho, she’s in charge of the country playlist and I naturally have 80’s jams. After selecting eight hours of music, we start really digging for music when she brings up Jimmy Buffett.
Folks, I hate Jimmy Buffett. Cannot stand his music and his stupid following of self-proclaimed ‘parrot heads.” I’ll explain point by point…
- What genre are you? James Buffet spent most of his early years in Nashville, which would make you think he could produce some quality music, but I guess not. Wikipedia has his genres of music as gulf and western. What on god’s green earth is gulf?? Like, music you only hear on the Gulf of Mexico? And Western music… are we talking old western like Clint Eastwood? His music, as the Wiki says, embraces an “island escapism” lifestyle. More on that….
- Parrotheads. Nothing says living the island life more than leaving buckets of shit in the parking lot of a Jimmy Buffett concert tailgate. More like Penisheads, cuz your look like a bunch of dicks. BURN!
- There is so much more music. Throw on some country or even reggae if you want to feel like it’s summer. You don’t need forced “island” music to make it feel like the summer.
- Island Escapism = Backyard Tiki Bar. His songs suck. Just the names alone as cringeworthy: “Cheeseburger in Paradise” or “Margaritaville.” The only time I’m having a cheeseburger and margarita are at Chili’s and even they don’t embrace that fake island BS. Trust me, I enjoy the beach. The reason this portion of the blog is being written is because of an upcoming beach trip. But I’d rather spend the rest of my life in winter than dress like this…
Would you give up your leg to be in the best shape of your life?
Back on May 23, former NFL running back Isaisah Pead published a piece on The Players Tribune focused on his life after football, especially life after his car accident that nearly killed him. He survived, but lost his left leg. Brutal stuff, but his approach to life now is incredible. He now has a prosthetic leg and is aiming to compete in the Paralympic Games. Truly inspiring stuff.
I was blown away by his physique. Yes, he was an NFL running back, but still. To lose a leg and still look like this:
So I asked the following question to a few folks in the office: would you give up your left leg to be in the best shape of your life? You simply go under the knife to remove your left leg, but also wake up instantly in amazing shape. Plus, you don’t have to maintain your body, just always stay in shape.
(Side note: it’s just a hypothetical. Not trying to be insensitive to Pead or anyone who’s endured anything like this. People say they’d give up a lot more for money, so go screw and embrace the question.)
My answer: 100% yes. I am not an athlete. I sit at a desk for eight hours a day and commute to work. I play football once a year, and it’s usually hungover on Thanksgiving morning. Plus, I kick and drive with my right leg. Hell, I’d still do it even if I had to maintain. Wouldn’t be that hard.
Some guys said they “like having both legs.” Ok dude, do you also like having a potbelly, too? It’s not like you couldn’t wear pants to cover your prosthetic. Lieutenant Dan looked great at Forrest Gump’s wedding, and he was missing both legs. Just look at him:
Still looks great.
Unless you are a world-class athlete or truly need your leg for work, the answer to this question is yes.
Song of the Week
Working on the 80’s playlist and then Weezer drops this fire. Such a great/terrible song.
Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray