The year is 1992 and both Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner are in the middle of their respective haydays. So, what do they do? Make a movie together. Because I don’t think Kevin Costner can sing.
If you haven’t seen it, Frank Farmer (Costner) is ex-Secret Service living as a bodyguard (duh) for rich folks, yet he somehow still lives in a shithole house. He eventually lands a job for Rachel (Houston) after she’s been getting sent exploding Rachel dolls, death threats, and more (and more as in guys breaking into her mansion to enjoy themselves alone in her bed… you can paint that picture).
Rachel likes Frank because she gives those stupid eyes throughout the beginning of the film when they meet, then some attitude like a child who likes another kid in a middle school class, and eventually they make sweet love. Classic love story. But Farmer knows he can’t fall in love with his client, so he’s got to keep it serious, which causes tension. You know, good story telling stuff.
Rachel has her idiot entourage of Tony (big Italian goon that’s the classic big Italian goon bodyguard who can’t do shit), Sy (fan-boy promoter who spells his name like an asshole), Nicki (Rachel’s jealous sister), and Bill (the old “wise” man who can’t make a single decision in this movie). Their collective role in this film is to screw up every situation for Rachel, all while blaming Frank for making Rachel paranoid of her stalker/threat.
All in all, it’s not a great movie. It was pretty much made to promote Houston’s music before she went head first into a pile of drugs like a Hardy Boyz swanton bomb. But I will say, anything that is super corny and near the 80’s is good in my book. Costner’s hair is awful, the music is absolute fire (of course), and the acting/script is so subpar.
Zach’s verdict: if you’re in the mood for a high-quality film, then skip The Bodyguard. But if you need your fix of Whitney Houston audio bangers, terrible hair, and corny acting, then head to your nearest Blockbuster and rent this masterpiece.
Gym update: my knee is making noises
I mentioned some time back that I got a gym memebership and would give updates here and there. Nothing crazy, this isn’t a fitness bog anf I’m sure as hell not in any good shape whatsoever. But, you the reader deserve a recap here and there of my gym happenings to feel better about youself
As you read last time, I had myself a nice vacation of booze, food, sun, and more booze. Really set me back some (not that I was in shape anyway). So I go to the gym last week to do some metabolic in the morning and yoga at night. Ever since then, my knee clicks every single time I go up the stairs. And it’s only going up, not down or anything else. Then I went on Saturday and I still feel like my hamstrings have been replaced by small rocks.
I have a feeling that maybe, just maybe, it was all the beer I drank later on Saturday that dehydrated me, but we can’t just assume things. But let’s not get off topic: something’s up with my knee. Does it hurt? No, but it’s really annoying to hear it click going up the stairs. Will I see a doctor? No, I’m not in pain. I’m just annoyed. So if anyone has treatment options, send them my way. Would love to have silence when walking up the stairs.
Song of the Week
Because why not
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