EMERGENCY BLOG: ANTI-AMERICAN ATTACKED MY WORK SPACE

I came into the office with positive vibes. “Take On Me” was blasting in my headphones on my way to work and it’s the perfect temperature outside. I got off the train and witnessed a woman vomitting into a trashcan, but I didn’t let that ruin my day.

HOWEVAAAAA…. I come into the office and what do I see? This horrific scene below. [WARNING: NSFW]

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GMIM: Doctors & Wolves

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Hell on Earth: my hour in a doctor’s office waiting room

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I brought my girlfriend to the doctor’s last week. Not that it was serious, but because her car wasn’t at my place. So in comes Super Chauffeur Zach. And yes, she’s doing fine, thanks for asking.

We get there and I decide to wait for her in the waiting room. Folks, if there is a hell on earth, it has to be the waiting area of a doctor’s office. Continue reading

MLB releases “Players Weekend” uniforms

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Yesterday was a big day for people who obsess over baseball jerseys. MLB announced August 25-27 would be Players Weekend, where each team will wear funky colored jerseys with custom names on the back. The whole thing is a collaboration with the MLB Player Association to pay homage to youth baseball and where the players came from . . . something like that. Players can also wear custom cleats, crazy colors, and wear gear that supports a cause/charity. Darren Rovell has a complete write-up on this.

I personally like this. Baseball has long been associated with old people and boredom, and anything as small as this to help put a little more youth into the game is a plus.

But there’s a group of fans who are not happy about this, Yankees fans. Here’s a small sample from Twitter: Continue reading

GMIM: Wu-Tang, The Hefty Lefty, and ass implant death

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Pharma Bro found guilty of fraud, but I only care about one thing

Big story this past week as “Pharma Bro” Martin Shkreli was found guilty of fraud, as Shkreli was convicted of defrauding investors in his two failed hedge funds, MSMB Capital Management and MSMB Healthcare Management, by concealing trading losses behind fake account statements. He faces up to 20 years in prison.

This is irrelevant from him jacking up the price of Daraprim, which treats a parasitic infection. As chief executive of Turing Pharmaceuticals in 2015, Shkreli bumped the price of the drug from $13.50 to $750 a tablet.

People want him locked up forever, punished for raising the drug price, or harm done to him. I don’t care about his punishment, as there’s one thing I desperately need: the Wu-Tang album. You see kids, Shkreli purchased the Wu-Tang Clan’s final album Once Upon a Time in Shaolin for $2 million in 2015. Why so much? Well, it’s the only copy in existence and it won’t be commercially released for 88 years. Continue reading

A historic achievement: 100 mornings without Starbucks

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During mankind’s biggest events throughout history, we tend to ask ourselves and others where we were at that moment. I was in my friend’s dorm room when President Obama announced that Osama Bin Laden was killed. Last year, I watched the Cubs win its first World Series in over 100 years in my girlfriend’s living room. When Harry Potter and the Cursed Child was published last year, I was most likely napping because I don’t give a damn about those wizarding nerds. Today is one of those days: I’ve gone 100 mornings without Starbucks.

April 23 was supposed to be a normal Sunday in the office. It was also the final day of Starbucks week-long promotion of the Unicorn Frappuccino. I needed to try this cup of frozen fairy vomit just to say I did in fact have one. The ‘Bucks below my office had just opened up, so I was sure to get a fresh blend of the good stuff. Problem was, they “ran out” of the ingredients. Reasonable, sure, but disappointing nonetheless. But lo and behold, not even 10 minutes later, a coworker comes in the office with a Unicorn Frappuccino…from the Starbucks downstairs. From that moment on, I knew it was my calling to declare war on those Seattle-based capitalists slime-pigs. Continue reading

GMIM: The Carlton, Dunkirk, and shopping scams

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Is The Carlton the greatest dance in television history?

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So the other night, the girlfriend and I had the TV on prior to going na-nights. She prefers to fall asleep with it on, while I would rather not burn my eyeballs out before falling asleep. I usually lose that battle, but I promise you, I will win the war.

Anywho, we throw on Nick at Nite* and playing is Fresh Prince. We jump in the middle of Season 2, Episode 24, a.k.a. “Striptease for Two” from May 4, 1992 to see Alfonso Ribeiro on stage in front of a large number of middle-aged women. He gets into a Chippendale’s-esque routine that is cut short by Ribeiro’s TV mom. Kicking off the routine, however is the familiar swaying of his arms left to right and right to left, with the rest of his body following along. Yes, it’s Carlton Banks’ signature dance, simply known as “The Carlton.” Continue reading

GMIM: Toilet covers, Kyrie Irving, and Chipotle rats

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Is using a toilet seat cover a soft move?

In the 9 o’ clock hour at work, I usually take care of some business in my office. If I’m lucky enough, I can snag the handicap private bathroom, which features toilet seat covers. We’ve all seen them, the thinner-than-paper toilet seat shaped cover that prevents your cheeks from touching the seat.

My question is this: am I a coward for using them when I can? I’m not the type of person to use a cover or build a nest every time I use a public restroom. If it’s a grimy place or if something seems off, I’m cushioning my butt. Otherwise, I have no problem going unprotected. Continue reading