A historic achievement: 100 mornings without Starbucks


During mankind’s biggest events throughout history, we tend to ask ourselves and others where we were at that moment. I was in my friend’s dorm room when President Obama announced that Osama Bin Laden was killed. Last year, I watched the Cubs win its first World Series in over 100 years in my girlfriend’s living room. When Harry Potter and the Cursed Child was published last year, I was most likely napping because I don’t give a damn about those wizarding nerds. Today is one of those days: I’ve gone 100 mornings without Starbucks.

April 23 was supposed to be a normal Sunday in the office. It was also the final day of Starbucks week-long promotion of the Unicorn Frappuccino. I needed to try this cup of frozen fairy vomit just to say I did in fact have one. The ‘Bucks below my office had just opened up, so I was sure to get a fresh blend of the good stuff. Problem was, they “ran out” of the ingredients. Reasonable, sure, but disappointing nonetheless. But lo and behold, not even 10 minutes later, a coworker comes in the office with a Unicorn Frappuccino…from the Starbucks downstairs. From that moment on, I knew it was my calling to declare war on those Seattle-based capitalists slime-pigs. Continue reading