Zach’s Blog: Happy Saturday

Welcome to another edition of Zach’s Blog, a collection of random thoughts, stories, opinions, and whatever else comes from Zach’s brain and fingertips. These blogs range from hot fire takes that are purely satire, to insightful thoughts. It’s your job to determine which is what. With that, enjoy the blog…

Zach’s applicable quote for the weekend

“Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy”

– Ben Franklin

–Not really what he said, but still a great quote.

–Zachary Gray

Going up to Branch & Blade Brewery Co. this evening. Great ole place with handsome beers and delicious beards.

CVS to change on hold music

Continue reading

GMIM: Marathon Monday

Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking In (on Monday)

Weather: Cold, rainy, and some snow
Traffic: I wouldn’t know, I rolled out of bed and jumped online
Breakfast: Some smoothie concoction
Zach arrival time: When the good lord shined his light upon thee

Monday Mourning Metaphor

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It was cold Monday.

My fitness evaluation recap

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I mentioned in last week’s blog that I had an upcoming fitness evaluation compliments of the nice folks from my gym. Well, I did it. Continue reading

GMIM: First Monday of March

Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking In

Weather: Cold and windy
Traffic: I was too tired to know how shitty it was
Breakfast: Sausage, egg, & cheese on a multigrain bagel, and a large dark roast (thin mint, two cream, one sugar)
Zach arrival time: 9:28 a.m. EST
Mornings without Starbucks: 322

Monday Mourning Metaphor

Me vs Mondays:

I refuse to pay for Spotify: MY COLUMN

Picture this: it’s Friday. Later afternoon in the office and the week is winding down. Projects are being finished, and some work is being pushed back as far as possible to avoid until Monday. Because it’s Friday, Zach has his world-famous playlist playing on his laptop speakers: Funk Fridays. Folks, if you haven’t gotten down with Funk Fridays yet, you haven’t lived. A little “Flashlight,” maybe some James Brown, or even a bit of Rick James never hurt nobody.

Anywho, the music is going and what comes on after three songs? An advertisement. Now I’m no ad junky, but I know it’s the price you pay in order to enjoy a little free music. I’ve had a Spotify account for five years now, and I’ve come to phase out the 20 Ziprecruiter  advertisements much like a degenerate, alcoholic father tunes out his children on a Wednesday night. But my coworkers? Nope, they’re crying like their drunk daddy won’t play Legos with them in their bedroom. So what’s my response? Increase the volume to drown out their crying. Continue reading

GMIM: Podcast Resurrection

Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking In

Weather: 36 degrees, bit cool
Traffic: Pleasantly not terrible
Breakfast: Caramel latte
Zach arrival time: 9:10-ish
Mornings without Starbucks: 287

Monday Mourning Metaphor

When last week sucked, but it’s a new week, new you:

New podcast. Yes, new.

So it’s been too long. I’m a little rusty behind the mic, but I banged out an episode with old guest Mike, aka Young, aka The Wrestlin’ Investin’ Investor to talk a little XFL, NFL, and other dumb stuff. If you’re looking to kill an hour and a half of your miserable day, then I suggest you listen:

I picked the Patriots to lose. Why am I so negative?

I had a moment of clarity yesterday after recording the podcast. Well, we could have classified it as a therapy session, but regardless, it was revealing of why I am the way I am when it comes to being so damn negative about the Patriots (regardless of their success).

Simple answer: 2007

Picture this: it’s 2007. The Patriots have won three Super Bowls in the past 6 years. They’re steamrolling other teams en route to a 16-0 regular season, and an 18-0 record heading into the Super Bowl. It’s looking like Tom Brady will have himself an easy path to his fourth Lombardi Trophy and a perfect record in both Super Bowls and the 2007 season.

Then comes the day of the big game. Not a worry in my brain about this game at all. I can vividly remember watching pregame and talking to my brother about the parade. Yes, kickoff hadn’t even taken place, and we were already discussing which day of school we would miss to go watch the Super Bowl parade. The thought of losing wasn’t even remotely in my mind. It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t happen. The Patriots would win yet another game, just like they had every other game that season, and move on to the parade. Simple enough.

Well folks, that shit did not happen. The one and only game they lost was the final game of the season. The only game that mattered. The game I was so confident about, it was like watching a rerun of a TV show anticipating the end. Except this time, it did not happen like I remembered.

So that’s the stem of my negativity. Despite the Patriots winning five titles, Brady/Belichick reaching an eighth together, I am still a pessimistic asshole when it comes to these games. Because after 2007, I take none of these games for granted. When Super Bowl XLVI rolled around for a Giants/Patriots rematch, I just knew they would blow the game yet again. And they did. Yes, they’ve won two more since, but they easily could’ve lost them as well. It’s too close for me to ever be comfortable.

Although I’m excited for this championship game, I’m still cautious. Plus, the 10-year anniversary of Super Bowl XLII is this Saturday, the day before the Patriots play. Is that on my mind? Yup. Will ESPN run replays of the helmet catch continuously THE DAY BEFORE THE SUPER BOWL? Absolutely they will. And that will be a reminder to not take this game for granted.

(Prediction: 31-27 Eagles)

Starbucks executive chairman thinks a “trusted” digital currency is on its way, continues to be stupid

(AP Photo/Kin Cheung)

[Source: CNBC] – “One or a few legitimate” cryptocurrencies are coming, but bitcoin is not one of them, according to Starbucks’ executive chairman and former CEO, Howard Schultz.

“I don’t believe that bitcoin is going to be a currency today or in the future,” Schultz said, during a post-earnings conference call Thursday after the closing bell on Wall Street. (Shares of Starbucks were under pressure on Friday after another quarter of disappointing sales growth as holiday offerings failed to draw in customers.)

Instead, Schultz told investors he sees potential in blockchain, the online ledger technology underlying digital currencies. “I’m talking about … the possibility of what could happen — not in the near term, but in a few years from now — with a consumer application in which there’s trust and legitimacy with regard to a digital currency.”

“I’m not bringing this up because Starbucks is announcing that we are forming a digital currency or we’re investing in this,” Schultz said, according to audio of the call on the Starbucks website. “I’m bringing this up … as we think about the future of our company and the future of consumer behavior.”

Well folks, Starbucks is all it again. This time, it’s one of the head honchos over at the douchebag coffee company. First they refuse to serve me a Unicorn Frappuccino, now they think fake money will fund their coffee shops. Sad!

Dude, your sales sucked during Christmas time. How do you fail during the biggest season for basic-bitccez looking for holiday-themed coffee drinks? Your company is built off the pumpkin and Christmas seasons, and you failed. And now you think fake money will bring you back? What’s next, Monopoly money will be accepted?

I’m humored by this story, so I’ll do this: if Starbucks utilizes digital currency and see’s massive gains because of it, I’ll go back. That’s how confident I am that they’ll crumble yet again. I’m not sure of how much or how long, but it has to be big. Big enough for me to say, “damn, it’s really working. Guess I have to use real life money at Starbucks.”

But until that day comes, they’re not worth my time or money.

People are hacking into ATM’s like it’s a goddamn movie

[Source: Forbes] – For several years now, hackers in search of big cash payouts have been targeting bank machines. With the help of an accomplice or two on the ground and some sophisticated malware, they’ve been able to trick ATMs into dispensing millions of dollars.

Security professionals refer to these attacks as jackpotting. You may have seen one go down on the big screen, but make no mistake: jackpotting is very real. In fact, the Secret Service has been tracking a string of recent attacks on American ATMs.

Jackpotting attacks are highly coordinated and typically the work of criminal gangs. They’ve been going down in other countries for years, but security experts aren’t surprised that criminals are now hitting ATMs in the U.S. One key reason is that many bank machines are still running Windows XP and are highly vulnerable.

The Secret Service is urging operators to update their machines to Windows 7, which they say is all it takes to prevent this particular attack.

Am I reading this right? No, not hackers remotely stealing millions of dollars out of ATM’s. But ATM’s run on Windows XP? What year is this? Why the hell are ATMs running on software that grandmothers aren’t even using these days? My mom sucks at using a computer, and even she would say, “wow this is outdated.”

What’s the limit on this? Are we going to find out that traffic lights run on solar power, or office drinking water is pulled from a well? Seriously, how on god’s green earth are we still using Windows XP in any capacity???

P.s.   Anyone who says the term “ATM machine” is a moron. What do you think ATM stands for? “Automated teller machine.” So is it an automated teller machine machine? No, you stupid idiot.

Song of the Week

It looks like Jaromir Jagr is headed back to Europe to play hockey, as the Flames sent his old ass out of North America. Sad times in the NHL indeed.

 

Have any stories to share? Suggestions? Feedback? Send them to ZacharyAdamGray@gmail.com or tweet me @ZacharyAdamGray

GMIM: Hanukkah Season

Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking In

Weather: Post-snow cold-ass breeze
Traffic: Pleasantly not horrible
Breakfast: Large hot caramel latte
Zach arrival time: Late enough for people to notice me walk in, but not too late that people say, “Thanks for joining us!” like an asshole
Mornings without Starbucks: 231

Monday Mourning Metaphor

When you befriend your co-workers over the weekend, but then hit you with some shit on Monday…

Should I convert to Judaism?

If you’ve been following this blog on a weekly basis, you would know that it’s been pumpkin then Christmas season in a matter of a week. Well, I’m happy to inform you it is now Hanukkah season. Well, not fully.

You see, I’m not Jewish. I’ve never celebrated Hanukkah in my life, but the influx of Jewish coworkers has sparked my interest. Do my motives not align with the true reasons to covert to a certain religion? Perhaps not. But I’ll make my case and see where we end up. Continue reading

GMIM: Merry Christmas?

Welcome to another installment of Good Mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking In

Weather: Warm
Traffic: Construction and roads filled with people confused about daylight savings time
Breakfast: Crumb muffin and a french vanilla iced coffee
Zach arrival time: Not the last one in, so that’s good
Mornings without Starbucks: 196

Monday Mourning Metaphor

Update: Pumpkin season is over… Happy Holidays! Seasons greetings!

If you read last week’s blog, you would know I’ve been struggling with my eventual departure from pumpkin season. I still have a half-dozen pumpkin beers in the fridge, cabinets full of pumpkin muffin mix, and a few pumpkin candles lying around the house. Well, it looks like I need to throw all of it out, because it’s time to celebrate Christmas. Continue reading

GMIM: A Little Too Woke

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking In

Weather: Perfect Autumn conditions
Traffic: For a Monday, not bad
Breakfast: Dunks iced French Vanilla (only because it was 87 cents)
Zach arrival time: Just right
Mornings without Starbucks: 182

Monday Mourning Metaphor

When you don’t care about your job, but need a paycheck:

(Not, that’s not me.)

Conspiracy Theory: Did Gordon Hayward purposely break his leg to improve his eSports career?

Credit: Ken Blaze-USA TODAY Sports

If you somehow missed it last week, newly acquired Boston Celtics “superstar” Gordon Hayward spent about five minutes with his new team before trying to imitate opposing superstar Derek Rose by dislocating his ankle and breaking his leg. It’s assumed he’ll be done for the season.

As tragic as this may seem, I don’t believe Hayward will be losing much sleep over this injury… literally. If you didn’t know, Hayward is an eSports nerd, which means he likes to play video games. So there’s a real chance he’ll be spending late nights on Call of Duty playing hardpoint and demolition rather than ice and elevation. Continue reading

GMIM: Wedding Season

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking In

Weather: Cold
Traffic: Took 20 minutes just to get onto the highway, so yeah…
Breakfast: Hot coffee with one packet of sugar and two flavored fake milk cup things
Zach arrival time: Good enough
Mornings without Starbucks: 176

Monday mourning metaphor

Flip your calendars: it’s wedding season

(Yes, I know it’s Tuesday, but when wedding season rolls around, all your days get mixed up. So deal with it.)

I’ll be honest, I don’t exactly know when wedding season starts or ends, but because I attended one on Sunday and have another this coming Saturday, I’m declaring it wedding season. Had this blog been written in the state of Utah, I’d simply post the Gregorian Calendar. Continue reading

GMIM: Columbus Day Edition (A.k.a, a fake holiday)

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking in

Weather: Muggy, 71
Traffic: Close to none
Breakfast: Bacon & cheese croissant with a caramel latte
Zach arrival: He gucci
Mornings without Starbucks: 168

Monday Mourning Metaphor

When you do something really nice, but get screwed in the end:

You have to feel bad for J.J. at this point, right? Yeah, he’s gotten some slack from the haterzz for being a try-hard and goodie two shoes, but I just want to see great players like Watt, Rob Gronkowski, and others have long careers and full seasons. Especially when there are so many low skilled players and poorly coached teams in the NFL, we need players like this to provide us some awesome highlights to enjoy. Let’s hope it’s a speedy recovery.

Monday Mourning Gripe: Are cheese sticks the most vile snack in human history?

I’ve been thinking this one for a while, but it came back to mind after witnessing a girl eating one of these things on the subway. Snacks in general can be weird since they’re processed and made to last much longer than they should. But something about cheese sticks makes me want to vomit. Continue reading

GMIM: Night Edition

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking Out

Weather: More on that later
Traffic: Still sucked, both ways
Dinner: Spinach fettuccine with sausage
Zach leave early?: Sort of, but not really. But maybe.
Mornings without Starbucks: 161

Monday Evening Metaphor

First thing’s first…

With the news that started last night and continued pouring in this morning, I was in no rush to post today’s blog on time. Didn’t want to jump right into stupid hypotheticals, bitching about my “miserable” life, or any other Monday related items since really, it was not a bad morning for me in retrospect. Continue reading

GMIM: Autumn’s First Monday

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking in

Weather: Too damn hot
Traffic: Sucked
Breakfast: Coffee and water
Zach on time?: Wasn’t not late
Mornings without Starbucks: 154

Monday Mourning Metaphor

The commute still sucks, and it’s only getting worse

Friday’s commute was a disaster, and that’s an understatement. I get to the garage early thinking I’ll actually have adequate time to prepare myself for the day. Not so fast! (Lee Corso voice) Continue reading

GMIM: Ponzi Schemes

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Clocking In

Weather: Mario Lemieux, cloudy
Traffic: Could’ve been worse
Breakfast: Iced coffee, cream/sugar
Zach on time?: I think?
Mornings without Starbucks: 147

Monday Mourning Metaphor

STAY WOKE: Ponzi Schemes are all around us

So this weekend was my first official weekend off without having to take vacation time in over a year. A tornado could’ve plowed through my living room and it still would’ve been the greatest weekend ever. So how did I celebrate this? I attended a “Jack & Jill” on Saturday night.

I know these J&J’s aren’t common for every soon-to-be-married couple to have, but I’m surprised not many people know what they are. If you are not aware, Jack & Jill’s are parties thrown for a couple who’ll be married soon, sometimes a month or so in advance. It’s meant to be casual, but still nice I think? Basically you get dressed like you’re going to church for the first time in a few months, but don’t want to over do it to make it obvious that you haven’t attended in some time.

There’s two guarantees for J&J’s: Continue reading

GMIM: House parties, my dysfunctional brain, and beer

Welcome to another installment of Good mourning, it’s Monday! This weekly blog looks to cover various topics in the news, along with personal stories or encounters from the past week at home and work to help you through your first day back at work (unless you don’t work). Hopefully my seven followers like this and share this to make it eight. Enjoy…

Zachapalooza recap and lessons learned

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Saturday was my birthday, or as I named it, Zachapalooza. I planned to have a house party about three months ago just so my college friends and others could plan ahead to actually attend. Mostly everyone came, everyone had fun, so on and so forth.

I tell you what though, it’s definitely the last house party I have for a while. It’s too much damn work and money to provide for a group of drunk idiots for only one night. All this effort gets put in and then you have to clean up the next morning (hungover most likely), pack away leftovers, and throw away the buns you left outside that the raccoons got to last night (that happened).

Let’s review some of highlights and low-lights: Continue reading

Do women poop at work? An investigation

While sitting in my personal 12 x 10 office, I pondered an important issue that I believe needs to addressed: do women poop at work? I can say that most men, especially those paid hourly, take their sweet time on the porcelain throne. But even in my adult years, I still think about this issue and it’s bothersome. It’s time we solve one of the great mysteries of life. Let’s text some ladies in my phone… Continue reading